I am doing this because there is a small part of me that doesn’t want to die. The rest of me is sure that this gun sitting in my lap is the answer for all my problems. Being born from day one with a debilitatingmedical condition is one thing but it time and time again hurting me holding me back, making me lame and weird growing up and a psycho into adult-hood is about all I can take. After finding my insurance canceled me as a client and won’t re-consider the same week I find out I am going to need surgery is the last […]
Tag:
Self Worth
Hi.
I’m 23, I’ve been suicidal since I was 11. I don’t really know how it feels not to be depressed, I guess. Being this way has been its own vicious cycle. When I’m sad, I drive away the people I love. When I drive away the people I love, I feel worse. Then there is the other stuff, you know, letting people down just by being disappointing. Letting myself down too. I hate myself. I like to think that if suddenly some person came along and loved me unconditionally, it’d change things, but I know that isn’t true. I know what I am supposed to […]
Okay so everyone always wants to know what my problem is, why I feel this way or why I seem totally unable to make things better. But for fucks sake they don’t know me, or my history, so they’re in no position to judge! The fact is if they did, they’d probably understand why I want to die as badly as I do. And trust me it’s such a long, sordid and sad story that half the time I wouldn’t even know where to start or how to explain. Sometimes I look at the way my life has turned out and it makes me fume with […]
If you saw me , met me, got to know me, the last impression you would get from me would be of suicidal tendacies and an evergrowing dependency on otc drugs for helping me sleep or feel good through through the day. Basically I am well mannerred well behaived outwoodly happy like socialble enough to make you believe im basically — ok..    However, I dont remember the last time I was happy. Infact I dont remember even if I ever was happy. I no how to pretend to appear happy. Thats not happy though. I have had friends. Good friends with families that have helped […]
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