My days don’t do anything but get harder n harder.
I’m not sure if the universe is at fault or I am.
I just know the tangible feeling of hate all to well. Its sooo lovely. Kind of like an aphrodisiac.
I just know for years I have been tasting the salty dissatisfaction of my own tears to the point where crying being extinct. Only to lead to crying feeling needed, strained, feeling, having feeling, much better than an orgasm. No one knows the severity.
Tag:
Severity
Once I had a dream that I had just made an attempt to hang myself and I was looking in the mirror and there was a blue and purple bruise around my neck. A little more than a week ago I made an attempt and I looked in the mirror after I cut the noose off and my face looked awful. My normal coloring didn’t return until a few days later — I had to cover up with makeup and even then it looked bad.
That last attempt was the closest I have ever been to dying. I passed out and my coming to was accidental, […]
i feel empty. exhausted. so deeply sad.. & mad that nobody i know has the time to care.. despite having felt similar before & me having been there for them.
it is very fucked up.
i still miss the love of my life after 6 years.
but if i did die tomorrow.. i would feel that i had loved & been loved.
now i have ocd/anxiety/depression/phobias/ & what feels like a million more things wrong & a situation that has completely trapped me. i want to scream. i often do.
every time things get a little better.. somehow something else goes wrong & i am […]
i don’t know where to start. i’m 22 and to keep it perfectly honest i’m a beautiful, intelligent, upper class, white female. nobody thinks i have any problems… and if i do, they’re miniscule. it’s a lie. i’m living a lie. every cry for help that i make isn’t taken seriously because people can’t seem to fathom that someone who is so blessed could be so absolutely and incessantly depressed. i have been through every anti-depressant/bipolar medication, talked to countless psychiatrists/therapists/psychologists for the last 7 years… you name it, i’ve probably done it in hopes of pulling myself out of this never-ending rabbit hole that […]
I am a 22 year old male currently considering suicide. I have depression, as well as a bout of terrible luck. But I can’t die yet. Not until I’ve at least gotten to spill my guts somewhere. So I’m doing this as an experiment. I can’t vent to anyone in my close circle of friends, because I have constructed such an elaborate facade, I’m not sure if they’d even take it seriously. So I figure doing so anonymously will be just as cathartic.
My parents got divorced when I was four. It is the first memory I have. It was not a pleasant divorce, to say […]
I’ve lurked here for quite a while now. I’ve spent the last few years suffering on and off with “depression”* of increasing regularity and severity. I came out of my last depression only 2 weeks ago and now it’s starting up again. Every down is getting longer than the respite preceding it and I don’t want to live like that. Tonight was the first time it hit me while out and about. One minute I was sitting down with a drink actually trying to enjoy myself and the next I was punching the shit out of a wall because I was suddenly overwhelmed. I don’t […]