As I sat there awakening from my dream-like state of fog that seems to be ever surrounding, whether it be sleep or the lack thereof, I realized that my morning ritual was left undone. So, I loaded bullet into the cylinder and give it a spin. Pulling back the hammer, I thought about the round I was using. It couldn’t be your standard run of the mill .44 mag round, for it could pass right through leaving me a vegetable. Potato or squash? Neither, because I was using a frag round, as to insure the job got done right. You see, the frag round breaks […]
Tag:
Shambles
Between all the shitty luck of my life, I’m pretty sure happiness only finds me to remind me how much it hurts to have it ripped away.
I’m so stupid, so naive.
I fell in love with a guy, shocker, I know – someone wants to die because of relationship problems? Well anyway, I fell for this guy immediately… he fell for me too, his life was in shambles – custody battle with the ex, being sued by multiple people for a traffic accident – on the verge of losing his house.
But when we were together, everything seemed like it was going to be okay. We […]
I want to rid myself of all my pain. Just thinking about tomorrow honestly makes me sick to my stomach. It’s the most disgusting  thing I’ve ever felt in my life, and sometimes I can’t help but think about it at night and cry, because I keep feeling it over and over again. I lie there staring into nothing, my mind wondering off into tomorrow, and I feel sick.
I don’t have my friends anymore, and as cold as it sounds, they were nothing more than distractions, anyway. People that kept my mind occupied with something other than my own misery.  Yet, I still yearn for that false reality, that […]
After doing a lot of research trying to help myself, i came to the conclusion that maybe i just need to start talking to anyone. I came across this website and thought an unbiased opinion might help. I’m going to try to summarize everything that’s been weighing heavily on me so please bare with me because i could use a strangers ears to listen. I have never wanted to be an unhappy person, even writing this right now feels somewhat like a cop out to me because im unable to handle it all on my own. The very beginning of my life started out in […]
For me memories are like ghosts that haunt the perimeters of my conscious mind, often making me feel ill at ease when I don’t even know why. The more upsetting memories are like demons that torment me from the depths of my unconscious mind, bringing up flashes of painful experiences when I’m least prepared for it and my defences are down. Both want to fill me with self doubt and self hatred and sap every ounce of confidence I once might have had, to leave me an utterly shattered and blithering wreck in the shambles that my life has become. And yet the more I […]