Relapse is such a *****. Things were going so well for me. Why did I visit my old box? What did i expect to feel when i picked up my old blades? Repulsion? Disgust? Or maybe i knew i would get the release i had been looking for. Maybe i knew that the urge i had been fighting all this time would finally be satisfied. I know i started feeling a bit lost when i realized my scars were fading. Why that is? I honesty dont know. Im ashamed by the lack of will power i had this time around. Seven months of no self […]
Tag:
Short Moment
Pain overriding any rational thoughts
only feeling what I want most not too
Churning in my stomach, and burning in my chest
How did this happen, I ask
Only to be reminded that there is no explanation
No concrete answer to the question I’m seeking
I just have to accept what is.
Accepting a reality of isolation, loneliness and solitude
Feeling imprisoned by my own being
Trapped in a world I can’t escape
Following me wherever I go.
My mind plagues my every thought
The inner bully condemning every part of me
Ruthless, harsh and callous
Never stopping with its relentless bashing.
Only sleep gives […]
The drugs that I have been on for the past year are Effexor, Wellbutrin and Lamictal. The doctor told me they were antidepressants however I was always depressed. The only problem was that I never felt fully cured or happy. During the day or when I was around anyone I would always put on a happy face and joke with everyone so no one could see my pain, depression and loneliness. Everyone thought I was a happy-go-lucky guy. At times I almost convinced myself. What really made me realize that the Effexor and Wellbutrin were working to some extent was if I forgot to take […]