The last four years, since turning 50, has been an ever ending series of bad decisions, failed marriage, financial ruin and more recently poor physical health. These events have taken its toll on my wellbeing and mental capacity to move forward, and notwithstanding the niggling doubt that I am about to embark on my final ‘bad decision’, I have come to the cold realization that it is time to depart this mortal sod.  I spent most of the last year isolating myself from friends and colleagues, not in an antisocial manner, but rather spinning a web of stories as a way detachment not to […]
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Short Period
sooo during the field trip on Thursday I realized Lois-one of my very best friends was ignoring me. Throughout the day I figured out that she was telling all of my friends lies about me… She turned three of them against me. The other two are loyal and had the common sense to talk to me about it. And they know I am not the kind of person that would do the things she said I was doing. So in one day I lost four of the closest friends I’ve ever had. And it wouldn’t hurt that much if I wasn’t able to see the […]
Someone for a short period of time brought my soul back from the deeps of nothingness and I was able to feel again. Isn’t that suppose to be a good thing? I hate it! I wish that person would have never touch my sleeping soul if only to throw it away! I just want to crawl back into the nothingness and feeling less. But the probably is it hurts just like last time to crawl back in the water. Just like it hurt to crawl out. Why did you bother?! You brought me more pain than joy! Can’t I just be left alone?! I had […]
I’m living a very good life.
I have an amazing wife who is also my very best friend and we explore many things together.
I have a great job that is rock-solid even in a bad economy and I bring home a paycheck that puts me in the 30th percentile of the country.
I have two great kids that I have a positive and sharing relationship with, and I’m very proud of them. They are active in sports, the local Historical Society, are both honor students in AP and Honors classes, and much more.
I have no debt (credit cards, etc), I live in a nice house in a […]
I feel like breaking down into hysterical sobs but I can’t because I have some semblance of a life to lead.
I’m so shocked that I’m here again, depressed and feeling antsy. I’ve been recording a lot of material the last few days and it’s been wonderful; I feel so proud that I was able to complete so much in such a short period of time, especially since I was raised to procrastinate. I’ve been satisfying my “artists spirit” and the hours just float by. I get really bad hunger cramps because I’m so focused on my shit that I skip dinner. Things have been going […]