People used to always tell me I looked like my sister… she was my best friend through out all the shit we went through, never leaving my side and always by me. She was my rock but then things just got way out of control and then we separated and it’s still so new to me because I’m not used to not seeing her or her not coming to me for advice … no one told us how hard it is to loose someone so close to you. I wish she could see me living my dream and be there cheering me on but I […]
I’m new here. This is my first post.
I served in Afghanistan. I’ve seen some of the most evil shit imaginable. I used to carry a pack full of gear, ammunition, ordinance, etc…
Now I carry a pack full of insecurity, self doubt, self hatred, and sadness. How did I end up here? How come some men can stow their shit away and never look at it again, and others (such as myself) cannot? I’ve been nearly killed on several occasions, but I’m still here. The only things that bring me happiness are my kids, my girl, and a V Twin with wheels. I’ve become indifferent as […]
I’ll put everything
I’m singing this opera
From every which way
I wonder, why are you
Don’t be so close to me
I’m the, incarnation of
The voice of Espeon
All that I have, ever say
Uh, do you want
Uh, to battle
With me
I’ll approach
And there’s nothing
That you will be
I made to her, the signal
Across
I just want, to
I hope that you found, the sound
.
I hate my life. Since childhood ive been neglected, hurt, lied to, and abandoned. I dont see a purpose to go to school and go to work everyday if we just die at the end. Ive tried to kill myself a numerous amount of time and everytime i look back i cry and say to myself “I was so close, i wish it would’ve taken me.” I just want to fucking die. I dont want to live anymore. Im tired all the time and no one knows what to do.
Im just confused with the emotions i feel. Feeling a mix of sadness, guilt and anger. For once in my life i am utterly clueless as to which path i should take. I can’t stop thinking of her and the people around me aren’t helping. I hate it. When people i know pretend to have been so close to a person who died just so they feel better and can get sympathy from others. Well the truth is that you never really gave a damn about her life. I can’t go back to the place i was last with her. I tried it once and […]
I don’t know how to feel about mine and Mrs. K’s relationship. She has been very nice to me and has been helping me with my drug problem and self harming. Last Wednesday when I stayed at her house I was having a really tough time, so she laid with me on the couch and stayed there, I was expecting her to get up and leave when I was asleep, but she didn’t.
At school she kind of was distant. I would try talking to her, just about school stuff, and she would not look me in the eye.
This weekend I went with her to her […]
I am the outcast. I always feel like no one will notice if I am gone. When I go to high school I feel so trapped then I go home and I feel extremely alone. I never feel like I belong anywhere. There are moments where I came so close to committing suicide just I get scared. I get scared because what if I do it and it isn’t any better on the other side what if I am even more alone. My family life just is terrible and my school life is so much worse. I have to pretend to be someone I am […]
Sweet love that I held so close
The hand I held and needed most
The lips I kissed so many times
Oh love never were you mine
For a split second you let me believe
That I had you back and you’d never leave
I guess I was just the easiest to convince
But I haven’t stopped hurting since..
Oh love I know I’m easy to forget
But I’m so sure you were ‘it’
That person for whom I would give my life
But instead […]
hey ya’ll. i know what meds i need. i just cant afford them. I dont wanna be homeless, but it very possibly might end up that way. Im so close to getting healthy, oh well. I will continue to fight to find decent employment and to get my own place (through HUD or section 8 or something). I miss my friends on this site? Where did you all go?
I’ve been thinking about how many of the things that have gone wrong in my life happened because I tend to feel that other people are closer than they feel. Sometimes it’s not even that I act more friendly than I should, I end doing the opposite, I have troubles letting people enter in my life because I’m so scared that I’ll become so close…
I think that I love too much. Or too quickly, or strongly, I don’t know. Anyone in my case?
Ps: I don’t know if I explained myself clearly, I find difficult to explain this things in English…
I know this site is for people who want to kill themselves, and I know many of you would look at me in disgust, but I want to kill my father, and then kill myself. I hate my father beyond words. He is supposed to protect me, shelter me, and teach me how to be an adult. Instead, he attacks me verbally and financially every chance he get. Any attempt to fight back only makes it worse, because he’s a master manipulator and constantly works to make my entire family hate me, which they’re so close to doing. He can shit on my face and […]
So, mood drop. Woo….
My nephew punched my little brother -like they always play around, and my brother punched back – again, as they always play.
But this time my nephew was being whiny because his mom is here. And she’s starting shit, woo!
I’m so close, to fucking stabbing her. I’m sick of this shit, so fucking sick… She calls us bad people?
She was outside yelling at my brother about how we ALWAYS abuse her children, and her daughter was sitting at the table with my dad and I LAUGHING HER ASS OFF
“I think she’s got it backwards,” her daughter told us. “She’s the one who beats […]
Hi Everyone I’m new here im gay 31 living with my dad I have social anxiety agoraphobia ptsd Addictions to crystal meth, I’ve been doing crystal now for 8 months on and off the longest I can go without getting some is always a month. And that’s the case here I’m a month off it again. I am trying to quit. But I just recently split up with my boyfriend of five months. I’m alone again and he told me some home truths. That I didn’t wanna hear. Anyways I’ve tried to kill myself 7 times through my life first time I was 13. I […]
Over a year ago i lost you…
I loved you more than anything and you left me. You killed yourself and you wrote on this site before you did it so now i am.
I cant take being without you anymore. Ive missed you for so long. I thought maybe with time itd get better but its been so long. I just want to be with you. I am so lonely without you. Your family still blames me. It makes me feel so horrible inside. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe i did something. Even though you said it wasnt anyones fault it was a pproblem with […]
I am not depressed…. I am not even feeling very down…. I am not happy… but I am not unhappy…. I am somewhere just above midline… Another failure in life reminding me that my efforts don’t matter my limitations will raise up and remind me I am so close to making it into regular life but just can’t make it over the fence… I am tired of being on this side of the fence… I want to hold it together… 3 mouths are counting on me holding it together but the longer I go the further away I am moving from them… Haven’t talked with […]
I never thought that
You would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around
And you knocked me off the ground from the start
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I’m home
How many times will let you change my mind and turn around
I can’t decide if I’ll let you my life or if I’ll drown
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me, ’cause I’m already falling
I’ll never let a love get so close
You […]
Hi…okay here I go. I have been depressed for about a year now, and I have been so close to just killing myself so many times. I think that the reason why I haven’t is because of my friends. A few of them are depressed and I want to make them better before I try t leave. When people look at me and my life, they see someone perfect. They see a girl who has it all. She is always smiling, and always surrounded by her friends. The things is, I don’t get bullied. Sure, I get teased, but who doesnt? But one day […]
When you are bipolar life is like a giant roller coaster. You go up and you go down… And if you’re really lucky you hit a plateau and you just sort of coast along for a while… I finally hit a plateau this morning. Yesterday I was so close to life being over… But this morning the fog lifted, and life goes on.
I’ve explained it over and over and over again, but I guess I’ll do it again.
I messaged my best friends ex last night, just to talk, and we were all close, and have been through shit. and every time i would say something he’d just say “bye” but after she messaged him, he started being nice to me and talking to me. For some reason it made me feel like complete shit. Like i didn’t matter, until she mattered. I felt worthless. I started crying, and ended up having an anxiety attack.
I was holding that blade so close to my skin, telling myself […]
To have thought that I would ever ever be understood. Even by those closest to me. All those times that I keep allowing people to lead, to take decisions, to be unreasonable when things are not ok with them- not for once will it be reciprocated. It is a myth that people understand people, it is a myth that people are so close that they ‘get’ one another. No one understands anyone. That is the truth. One single truth. And everyone is there for themselves, convincing you how right they are, defeating you with their logic. At that time it does not matter how many […]