The last four years, since turning 50, has been an ever ending series of bad decisions, failed marriage, financial ruin and more recently poor physical health. These events have taken its toll on my wellbeing and mental capacity to move forward, and notwithstanding the niggling doubt that I am about to embark on my final ‘bad decision’, I have come to the cold realization that it is time to depart this mortal sod.  I spent most of the last year isolating myself from friends and colleagues, not in an antisocial manner, but rather spinning a web of stories as a way detachment not to […]
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Sod
I keep seeing such horrible images, be they in daydreams or nightmares. Myself, bleeding in a pool of blood. A shot to my head, my body limp on the pavement. An empty funeral home with my body set for all to see, and none to look. I cannot escape this feeling, this notion that I will leave this world alone. Lost in the turning seas of my inadequacies. I keep seeing macabre visions, destitute prospects, a shady future. The grave calls, and death seems imminent.
Maybe I’m not alive at all. Somehow, somewhere, I feel like part of me is long gone. Like the best and […]