there are an awful lot of stories on this site, but every story is different right? the base feelings of despair are mixed into all of them, but how you came to be there and what you plan to do is always different. most of us are suicidal, hence the name “the suicide project” i suppose. i am no exception. but maybe it’s time i told the whole story of how i came to be here and what i plan to do.
my story is not filled with rape or abuse or anything like that. ive never been the loner at the back of the […]
Tag:
Spectrum
Hi… I really need to get something off my chest, so I’m posting it here and I hope no one will mind. This is going to be kind of a long ramble. So, I’m 21 years old. I have no friends, and I have never had friends. My mother is overbearing, my father a drunk. I’m awkward around people, which is probably because I’ve only spoken to a few people in my entire life. (I’m on the extreme end of the social anxiety spectrum and I’ve always found it difficult to talk to people I don’t know.) People give me strange looks whenever I walk […]
I will not kill myself. I can’t, I just have too much potential. However, I just have this urge to do it anyways. Half of the time, I want to live just to learn about the universe and the wonders of science. Yes, that is right. I only live in the name of science and the curiosity spectrum of my mind. But then half of the time, I tell myself that there is no incentive of living. Let me lay this down for you: I have amnesia (or maybe even Alzheimer at a relatively early age). My mind […]
I’ve put a lot of effort into doing right by the people I’m close to. I have been far from perfect in those efforts. Mostly I’ve failed entirely. I guess the thing is, though, that I’ve tried to mend every mistake I’ve made. I’ve apologized, acknowledged my screw-ups and done my best to avoid future incidents.
In times when I haven’t been the one to screw up, I’ve been too forgiving of people. People who have decided that I am the kind of person who can toyed with, walked all over, and left to wait endlessly for fulfillment. People always let you down. That’s what I’ve […]
The more I know the less I know. I truly know nothing. Life is about living outside one’s self, the world is greater than your perception of it, I know this, believe it, feel it, yet I still feel numb. I feel guilty for what I have and resentful for what I don’t. I’m in constant contradiction. I just cannot fill the void that’s inside me. I know deep down I’m blessed, seeing others, knowing and feeling what others go through only makes me feel lesser than what I am. I’m stuck in thought and just fail to progress. This to shall pass, but is […]
I don’t really feel my emotions any more. I know that they’re there, but my mind just doesn’t seem to process them the way that it should. For example, when I watch the news, and there’s a story about somebody that was murdered, I realise that I should feel something. I should feel anger toward the person that commited the murder. I should feel pity for the victim and his/her loved ones. But I don’t feel anything. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if I’m hanging out with friends, if something happens that makes everyone laugh, I am always the last to join in, […]