So I know these things to be true…
>I need a concrete game plan to work from…sort of like a “mind map” which tells me the possible outcomes of actions that I could choose from
>I feel as if I am not connected to the world without a purpose for my days
>i have lost my purpose in life since I am no longer someones wife, someones girlfriend, someones mother…. still searching for it though….
>Have come up with a plan for schooling, I wish I had lots of people to encourage me in this new plan for myself, I wish I had someone […]
Tag:
Step In The Right Direction
I’ve decided to go to work today. I haven’t been there since Tuesday. I woke up today so sore and stiff that it took me 15 minutes to pry myself out of bed. My head hurts, and once again I was unable to eat anything. That makes it two days without a decent meal..
I feel my anxiety kicking in. Although I’ve worked there for over a year. I know my staff very well, and I get along with each and every one of them. I have multiple repeat customers that I am able to talk to. Life, and weather, and entertainment. I like my job. […]
I noted a reply to one of my earlier posts that stated I was not actually talking about committing suicide immediately or maybe that was never my intent at all. To this I reply, if you were around on the Suicide Project six to twelve months ago you would not think that. The only reason I did not finish the job was because I was evicted from my home of 20 years because I had lost my job and became broke very fast.
Prior to becoming homeless last April, I had my Final Exit all planned out and was only waiting for the best time…for me.
The […]
It’s been a brutal semester. I just need to get this out, so I can concentrate on completing my final paper. I’m feeling tremendously overwhelmed. Failure weighs heavily, on my mind, I got kicked out of university my first year, I took too many classes, yes my parents pressured me, but I could have said no and I missed the deadline to withdraw without penalty. One of my friend’s had the same problem and she found out we could talk to the dean, I didn’t show up for my appointment with the dean because I believed all the things I had ever heard about myself […]
Im doing it…The voicemails Ive kept..Impossible to delete this texting app so I could save them. Im letting it go. Im deleting the app and redownloading it so they will all be gone. Ive thought about doing this for a long time, but Ive been afraid to have nothing left of his voice…to remember how much he didnt hate me.
A step in the right direction. Here I go..