As someone who has educated myself on psychology, mental health, neurology, and philosophy, and have various mental illnesses (PTSD, Personality disorders of the Paranoid, Addictive, Dependent, and Avoidant type, OCD, ADHD and Major Depressive Disorder), not only can I evaluate myself, but feel as if I have a greater understanding on my own situation and others in similar situations than the people who counsel me. Not to brag (I’m not a pride type of person), but most psychologist and councelers I been to said that I am very intelligent, articulate, and incredibly self aware compared to there other clients. Some even told me that I […]
Suicide is stigmatized as a quick sudden choice. Not for me. I roll my plans and deadline over and over in my head. The biggest question haunting me. Should I tell him? Will he feel better if he knows and can ask questions first? Should I ask my family to keep it a secret from him? Hasn’t his life seen enough death already?
I scour the internet for advice and come upon articles laying out tired hatred for narcissistic, manipulative exes pulling the suicide card. I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to manipulate anyone. I just want to talk to my best […]
My guess is that everyone on here is afraid of something. Afraid of the future, afraid of consequences, etc. Right now I’m afraid of something everyone in life has to eventually go through – growing up.
Well I’m not really afraid, more like I’m TERRIFIED. My whole life there was someone to help me, even a little bit, and I always had another milestone I could postpone adulthood to. But now I’ve reached that point and now I’m on my own. I do and don’t want this moment to come. I do want to become independent and not under the stigma of my parents’ reputation […]
Please hear what I’m not saying. Don’t be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a mask. I tell you everything that’s really nothing, and nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me.
– The “mask”
Ever since I first thought of suicide, no maybe even before that, I put on the “mask”. For me this social “mask” that I wear has probably caused me a whole lot more damage than hurt, yet everyday when I step out of my bed in the morning, I still put on this “mask”, even if it’s covered in thorns. Why? This “mask” that I […]
Now I know every one who has ever killed himself or herself never had a good reason to do so (according to others). Still they do….. and will go on taking their own life, rejecting this wonderful gift given by God. Maybe to some this gift is not at all a gift. I don’t see it as a gift. For me life had always been a burden. Humanity is not like a Jane Austin book. It is at most times stark ugly and cruel. There are no happy endings in life just some good stuff followed by a lot of  bad stuff, then a good […]
I think that a way to kill myself which wouldn’t cause too much trauma for my family would be to let my road bike drift into the path of an oncoming semi-tractor/trailor.  Death would be virtually certain if I ride on a road with a high enough speed limit, and it would look like an accident instead of an intentional act. They wouldn’t have to suffer the stigma of having me kill myself. It would be neat and clean, and fortunately their financial security would be guaranteed.
For a moment the pain would be excruciating after getting run over by a truck, but that much pain […]
I just keep thinking about suicide. I don’t explicitly have a plan yet, but I have a general idea of what to do. I know we aren’t allowed to talk about this on the board, but even if we were, I’m not sure if I want my mind changed and I don’t want to be stopped. I told myself I’d give myself until I turned 30, but that seems overly generous now. I don’t know when, but I can’t see myself carrying on for that long. I’m not a human being. If I were, I’d feel loved and worthwhile. There would be a point to […]
I am on klonopin and abilify and it had been working really really well for a few months. But now, even though nothing in what I take, how I take it, and when, its stopped working and I have regressed. Now everything is worse than it was before, I rarely feel anything and when I do its usually intense anger or sadness and I have started cutting again. My therapist wants me to consider inpatient therapy but there is such a stigma that I am afraid because I dont want people looking at me like I am a crazy person. Suicide is a thought that […]
Does death have to be such a stigma ? If I choose to go can my loved ones be satisfied knowing that peace is with me (I hope) and I no longer suffer the unbearable, day to day mental obfuscation my own mind commits yet is self unrecognizable while it’s happening and too late to matter enough after the fact ? That has been my struggle since I was 18, I suppose, I’m 26 now and I’m ready to join the 27 club(if I get there). Everybody has their problems I suppose and I am no different, however I do feel like a 1 in […]
I started to cry myself to sleep when I was in the second grade. I was bullied, and could never really find myself with any real friends. I have always tried to be overly accommodating hoping that this would help people like me, but it doesn’t work. I am 25 and still do this, and it still doesn’t work. I am used at work. They take advantage of me because they know I will not say no. I feel like I am back in second grade. Killing myself has always felt like it will be the best thing for me. Too bad I’m more afraid […]