Strangest thing…. today when I was brushing my teeth it just sunk in. This thought…. I said it aloud then. I DESERVE BETTER! Then I said it again and again. I think I finally believe it. The thing with me is that, sometimes my feel good revelations are short lived. Until someone knocks my pack of cards by a light flick. I can’t say this too will stick. But get it!
Yesterday I googled a camp song I once heard… No body loves me, everybody hates me, I think I’ll go eat worms…. and so on… It made me laugh, because I was indulging in self-pity. I do that sometimes and I hate being pointed out. I think everyone goes through self-pity, self- doubt and self-loathing. So it has to be a normal feeling. No one actually feels like that all the time. Atleast I don’t.
Sure, there is a darkness in me that kicks in, when situations get out of my control. It might just be a little trigger. I just need to manage my state then…. so I don’t do anything stupid. I know it is stupid…. well most of the times at other times it seems like the perfectly logical solution.
But for today…. “I think I’ll die another day!”