I think if I were to kill myself people would just expect it from me now. It’s just so odd having a bunch of people you considered best friends for years only see you as a friend if anything, and it really feels forced and you can tell and it makes your heart beat fast and your hands shake when you think about it too much, that as soon as you leave you will be replaced. Maybe I was always meant to be lonely. Maybe it was always meant to be like this.
Tag:
Thoughts
So. Here is my plan. I’d prefer to not be inundated with “we can help!” because nobody can.
I cannot put this into effect until January, unfortunately. But I have done some research, and apparently Kirkland is a good sleeping pill. You can buy them in 96 tablets. I figured that probably isn’t enough, so what you could probably do is, buy a few. Maybe over time, so nobody gets suspicious. Assuming these are water-soluble, make a solution with water and these things. Get into a bathtub. Go under.
And never come up.
Thoughts? Ideas? Criticism? […]
@sked a few cops about what (my friend) should do and they said go to a hospital.
I dont think thats a good idea.. ill prolly end up in a straight jacket in a rubber room…
Thoughts?
Greetings. This is my first post in this site, and although I bet your issues are probably bigger than the ones I will expose here, I would still appreciate no bashing. Thanks in advance.
I don’t exactly remember the last day I could breathe clearly through my nose. I feel like it was more than 15 years ago. And I have tried a lot of things to try to get that feeling back: I rinse my nose with water and salts, I have been taking pills daily for several years… even tried grabbing whatever is inside of my nose with tweezers and wooden sticks. Nothing works. […]
Hello everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster here. Just recently I finally came to terms with making that final decision. The blue prints and ground work has been laid out and completed, and it’s just a waiting game now. In the next couple weeks however I would love to hear from some of you here. It can be about yourself, me, anything. What was going through your mind when you finally came to terms with that decision?
i am a type 1 diabetic who has scoliosis of the spine. I am actually allergic to insulin and it is extremely painful to take also i have my back condition which causes me severe pain. I am 16 years old but i have suicidal thoughts everyday i have attempted to commit suicide numerous times but stopped at the last minute the only thing that stops me is the pain i feel in that moment. I self harm alot as it stops the thoughts for just a second, i break my bones now.I used to abuse my diabetes as its the easiest way to cause […]
I wonder if I’m mad.
At times I feel so content with life
and the next moment I’m loathing it.
I want to be special, that elite, that genius, that child prodigy,
And yet when I look back ,
all I want is a simple life , a simple home, and experience that simple happiness.
Depressing thoughts come swiftly in my mind,
whispering such tempting and soothing threats,
and only with it do I feel alive.
Am I twisted, a lunatic , a mad man for thinking such a thing?
It feels as though despair has becomed my only friend.
And without it I feel incomplete.
Despair, it is the black of the night,
and the night of […]
I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. Wondering of ill travel the world, make it in broadway, get married and have kids, or give up  before I get the chance.
I wonder what what it is inside of me that makes my body ache and makes my mind fill up with hate. I don’t know how to stop it. I know that I should probably get help. Tell a parent. But in reality if I tell them all that goes on in my head they’ll send me away because “I’m a danger to myself.” And I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I […]
I can’t tell people how I feel because of a misguided sense of how they perceive me and because the words that I have, as extensive as my vocabulary is, aren’t up to the task of adequately conveying the feelings I have or the impact they have on me. I am depressed, a condition which has sat in the background of my mind for a great many years and pervades the darkest corners of my conscious and subconscious thought. Why that is and where it comes from is a matter for discussion by people that have given themselves more education into the workings of the […]
My father died when I was 9, cardiovascular issues. My stepfather went to prison for 15 years when I was 12. My mom has struggled ever since to make ends meat. I’ve never had a father figure growing up. My grandfather has had various heart open surgeries, he’s had cancer and now I’m Seeing signs of amnesia. He can pass away any time of any day. My mother has a couple issues, she just found out her cancer tests came out high. I don’t know what to do in life. I dated this one girl, Shannon. I thought she was the one for me. She […]
I should be careful and not come here too often…
I’ve been quite depressed, lacking hope and feeling generally worthless yadda yadda, uninspired to do anything but wallow in self pity.
Being so full of hate that I even learned how to tie a noose.
That made me feel better.
Because although we can all theoretically end it all when we want, it is often quite difficult. Not everyone has handy drugs in the closet. Some will just have to do it the tried and true old school way.
So it’s not always comforting enough to think: well hold on one more day because you can always end it, because […]
I’m not sure if I really want to die.
I think about it. Killing myself, I mean. It’s not healthy. I know that, but I still do it. I hurt myself, even though the logical part of me says, “Stop!”. That part of me tells me to get help, to talk to someone. But, the other parts of me, the scared, lonely, and tired parts of me, they say not to. That it’s better that they don’t know.
I don’t want to hurt the people I care about by showing them all the messed up screws in me.
I don’t want them to see all […]
Have you ever thought about who you are?
The way you are?
That noone will ever love you because of that? I have. I’ve come to realize that its useless to change things about yourself for others. Whats the point? Arent people supposed to love you despite all your flaws? At least its what I’ve learned from watching television.
I am in my early twenties and never been loved. Trapped in an endless loop of thoughts without an exit. It’s really painfull. I cant look at people sometimes because my mind is telling me what the person is thinking about me, and its never something nice. […]
YOU ask me what i need and WHAT I NEED IS YOU.
I know I cant have you, You tell me i cant have you, you’ve made up your mind. You tell me you love me, you tell me you will still be around but you tell me you’re leaving overseas.. HOW THE FUCK?
You tell me all these things but do you really mean it? Why would you challenge yourself trying to make it overseas when you have a challenge here trying to make this work, make us work and (what i was hoping) start a family. YOU and only you would throw this all […]
I’ve been thinking of suicide frequently ever since junior high, Â and I’ve also been thinking lately that I just don’t want to be happy or content. In part, I just can’t imagine myself as a happy, smiling person; it actually makes me uncomfortable. I would need to change so much about myself, and part of me even hates happy, optimistic people. It seems like I would always be wearing a mask. I’ll list a few other thoughts as numbered points:
Being serious and unemotional makes me feel more in control of day to day situations. I’m worried that acting friendly would invite too many people who […]
i feel like im drowning in my own thoughts. they suck me down further and further and i cant avoid it. i lost a close friend today and dont know if i can get him back. even though i pushed him away. he told the guy i was talking to the stuff i told him about the guy i like. he came to one of my classes today and i told him to leave. he tweeted that he was crying and i physically feel like my heart is breaking. i drown in more thoughts and i dont know what to do. i ruin everything i […]
It has come to my attention that my disease is never going away. It is incurable. I’ve recently talked to a woman that is now 83, who has been on pills for this since she was 18. I’m 16. Never again can i spend the night, spur of the moment. If i miss too many pills they tell me my body will go into shock. That’s nice. I’m worried about my future, can i even have a child? I’ve researched that it may be complicated, depending. I have a higher chance for getting cancer. I have a chance of going blind. All these nice little […]
Before I go I wanted to say this. So you’ll understand why I chose to go. I lived in a middle class style of life. Learning responsibilities young and trying to fit in whenever it was time to move again. I’m 22 and can easily remember about 25 places I’ve lived. Not counting the dozen others I can’t. So I’ve kinda already lived a travelers life. Knowing when to pick up and move. Knowing where to go the next day. I was born into it. Naturally I can’t be held down. Forced to please another living a domesticated lifestyle. The walls tell me it’s true. […]
(sorry for my english, I’m Chilean)
“Throughout my childhood I longed only to be loved. Every day I thought about how to take my life, but, at heart, she was already dead. Only pride saved me. ” – Coco Chanel
since i have my fresh memory i loved and still loving fashion but that’s isn’t the point.. everybody says that being perseverant made genious or people like that… well you understand me
sometime for me is difficult think i may become a perosn like them.. for me that times are past and maybe there’s no more people like them..
i think i can’t be like them…
Today march 24th it’s my 16 birthday… And the only thing I’m thinking is in what kind of fallacy we live?
There you have the question of the day