Thoughts

My father died when I was 9, cardiovascular issues. My stepfather went to prison for 15 years when I was 12. My mom has struggled ever since to make ends meat. I’ve never had a father figure growing up. My grandfather has had various heart open surgeries, he’s had cancer and now I’m Seeing signs of amnesia. He can pass away any time of any day. My mother has a couple issues, she just found out her cancer tests came out high. I don’t know what to do in life. I dated this one girl, Shannon. I thought she was the one for me. She had all my qualifications for a perfect girl. We were in “love”. Once she reached high school, she left me and now she’s considered a whore. I dated this other girl, Lilian. She’s in love with me but I’m not. I don’t love Shannon either. I don’t love no one. I’m cold hearted cause one girl changed my perception of all other women. I really don’t know what to do in life. I sometimes just want to end it all and join my dad in heaven or hell. Wherever he’s located. I think about how my little sister is going to live, how would everyone be if I passed. If I just sliced my veins and watched the blood, the life inside me just pour out and let my soul leave this planet for eternity. Who would cry for me? Who would? No one. Everyone would be happy to see me gone. No one would be at funeral. My mother would be devastated, who would never forgot me? Everyone would. I’ll be a figment of imagination in everyone’s mind. Just a speck of existence on this earth.