i just cant anymore. today is the last….90 ambien 100 otc sleeping pills….i just can’t……i’m so so sorry.i really did try. but i cant i told you before i was afraid i’ve gone so far afield i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to find myself again….well i cant……i’m so sorry. i know this is gonna leave behind a big hurt and i’m sorry
i have researched for numerous ways to commit, today i begin my journey to end this pain through self starvation. Ill post periodically to inform about the process. its been a long fight, and the fight to live is finally over.
I’ve already figured out how I’m going to do it, I’m just struggling on the when part. Is there ever a right time? I’d do it today but my daughters birthday is thursday. Should I wait till after? I just don’t know if I can bear the pain till then. I know the hold that a death anniversary holds on people so I’m trying to be considerate of that. But like I said, I don’t Know if I can bare to go through another day. I’m so done.
Hi people.
It’s great to know that there are people that feel just as shitty as I do. I have a more personal blog where I rant about how I keep delaying “The Grand Event” and how there is always some tad of hope I have in humanity. Life,though always makes me regret even being conceived to begin with. I’ve been looking for a method to leave fast and painless I cut,but I’m not cutting to deep.
I know you understand me.Being a 20 year old female, South African.I don’t have much support of this side.My only way is out.
Here is one of my blog entries in […]
It is amazing how life can fall out of grasp within a blink of an eye. It is like yesterday that I was happy and carefree with the world shinning brightly before me. However, it is not yesterday, it is today and today I feel as if there is nothing for me. The world is not mine for the taking and the Sun has disappeared completely. I’m sad, I’m lonely and I fear it will never get better. Maybe life isn’t for everybody because I may be breathing but inside I’m suffocating. Life shouldn’t be this hard. Living has simply turned into surviving and I […]
I don’t know why I bother going to therapy. I don’t know why I bother telling her the things I can’t talk about with anyone else. I don’t know why I try to get better, because I always find a way to fuck it up.
I fucked up today. It may cost me a job I had been relying on getting offered.
I don’t know what to do any more. I don’t know how to keep trying when I keep making it all wrong. I just exist wrong, and you know, maybe some people do. Maybe I’m just an aberration and I should have got the picture […]
I can not escape this feeling. I did what I could today to get away from this. Here I am feeling the exact same way. I feel useless, a bad mother, a bad person. I don’t know what else to do. I called my therapist today to get some meds. He never called me back. He told me to call him. It was a crappy day. Even though I did everything I possibly could to make it a better day. To get my mind off everything. When will this feeling go away for good? I Just can’t feel this way any more. My son deserves […]
I’m still feeling lonely, like a failure, and hopeless. I have a big project tomorrow and I have to present for over 5mins and my social anxiety is making me stressed. I tried hanging myself today and I did for about under a minute and I was fighting to breathe, unfortunately I was able to hold up on to a tree with my legs and lift myself up. Before I was to much of *****, but everyday I push myself a bit more.
I turned 31. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Im glad i didn’t commit suicide today. I think my friend knows. But why didnt he tell people? Was i wrong about him? Dose he even know. Everytime i think about it my heart keeps dropping a beat. It feels like a bulit went into my heart. Is he truly my loyal friend?? Well 2 days of deep depression for no reason hmm…. Im still in depression but not like before… But i dont seek help why
-brian mejia r.
Ps srry its me thinking and writing at the same time????????
If you have a broken smile and scars on your skin, stop and read this.
You’re beautiful/ handsome and you can do this. You can make it through today and every day afterwards because guess what?
You’re worth it. You’re worth every moment of life and every breath you take is just showing everyone who has ever put you down that you win, not them. Don’t ever give up.
Note: I am still adding to this.
The last straw was pulled today. My boyfriend, who I love with my entire being and essence, left me because I am “weak” and “no one wants to be with a suicidal person”.
Now before you jump to the conclusion that I am a stupid dumb teenage ***** who doesn’t know what real pain is, let me tell you that yes, I do, in fact, know what real pain is. Real emotional pain. My pain stems from multiple branches – severe social anxiety, low self-esteem, self-hatred, countless bad experiences, and loneliness. These all intertwine with eachother, every item overwhelming […]
Yet again, I don’t know why I keep posting here while I can just do it and get it over with but I got exhausted already of trying to hang myself over 10 times today exploiting the chance that my brothers are out and only me left home and I wanted to talk to someone about my failure. As much as I’m committed to dying I don’t want to feel so much pain in my windpipe (swallowing) while trying to hang myself. Maybe I’m doing it wrong? It’s partial suspension I’m attempting and by a belt. My larynx seems to be the only problem that […]
The cops were called today. They want to “help”. I just want to die, continue cutting and not live in this hell hole of a town. One of the three!! I have the perfect place to live in a different city with friends that are more willing to help me out than my own family. Now I don’t think I can go to the place I once called home.
To say get better when you don’t have to.
To say there’s help when you don’t need it
To live when you don’t want to die
but
It’s hard to stay alive when you can’t stand to open your eyes to another day
You curse the day that you’re awake
You hope today is the day you’re brave
enough to take your life away
Suicide…why do people think I’m crazy?
They’d rather have me alive to watch me slowly die than to take myself out.
I’m looking to escape everyday
hope is finding the way out
I need to get out!!!
Why is it so […]
I need help:( I want someone to Run through the door right now and save me. That won’t happen…I have everything I need to kill myself quickly. Guess this is it. Noone cares enough to stop and listen to me.
I m In Love With Him 1 year ago. now in between we are in love deeply love but today suddenly i see that one girl in he’s whatsapp profile i dont know whos she, i ask to him whos she??. but he says i dont knw what u say i knw see that pic in my phone i don’t know any girl also say that he check friends phone but that picture is see only in ur phone . i don’t believe in that . I love him very Much i cant live without him please help me what can i do in this […]
First time I’m saying something about it. I mean today is the day, but nobody knows. I wanted someone to know. It’s an interesting feeling walking around, conversing, interacting with normal life people, while knowing without a doubt that I will die today. I’ve ruined everything I’ve touched. I’ve wasted so many chances, so much time. Of my own, and more importantly, others around me. I’m the catalyst. Remove me, all is well. I’m quiet about it now, I’ll be quiet when it happens. No need for a fiasco. I’ve created enough of those. When you know, you know I suppose. I’ve discovered that clearing […]
I posted yesterday.
This morning I woke up and thought “If I’m going to kill myself, today is the day.” And I’m too cowardly to go through with it. I’m giving myself just a few more days to pull out of this mess. I want kids, I want to get married and I want to graduate college. I’m a freshman this year. I have plans and ambitions. But I don’t want to live with this pain. Taking 3 pills for my depression is what I was told to do, and with that, I sleep through my classes.
If I take only 2? I want to die
Someone tell […]
I really need to get out, tonight
God and goddess, can you be
One, two, three, never alright
Take me to Lugia, today
Let me, let me die
And you can go back