I’m not optimistic about the future. I think my life is already done. I know, or I think so, that I have skills and abilities. If I wanted to, I could do a lot of things, I could be anything: a genius, a hero, a loved one. Sometimes I feel like I were God, with all the possibilities and a whole life in front of me. And sometimes, I feel like a turtle: small, useless in most of the cases and always quiet and hiding. I know I’m not doing any of what I could do, just because I’m too stupid for doing it and, sincerely, too lazy. A […]
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Turtle
hello all, 2 months ago i have this thought, to killing my self, so first attempt was taking 2 anti depress pils in the morning before go to work, but i survived, my body can fight that ‘want to sleep’ feeling so my car not crashed. then i try to cut my arm, it really hurt, even before it’s bleeding. Then i stop.
But today that feeling come again, i feel powerless, hopeless, i want to make all my beloved ones happy, all of them are save, but in the end i feel, i don’t have that energy, the resources to make it all. It makes […]
I have no real complaints, I have a job, no mortgage, no dog, no loans no-one depending on me. I have low self esteem and little or no self worth, I am a perfectly functioning person so long as I don’t have to talk to anyone. On those glorious days when I can go about my business with not an utterance falling out my mouth, not a single bit of eye-contact. I thrive. I live in a city though. Where it is extremely difficult to avoid everyone.
When interaction, is unavoidable, I regress into my shell arms legs and head in short, turtle like. I become a […]
please if anyone is out there help me, if anyone has a decent enough heart please help me. I can’t keep living like this, I can’t keep living with this abuse. Please I need help I need help. I’m going to kill myself and I don’t want to I can’t leave my baby turtle all by himself. I’m so scared and no one will believe me no one listens. My own dad has turned my whole family against me. He keeps lying and lying and lying. No one fucking loves me anymore. My friends won’t help me I’m going to get kicked out of my […]
This might be funny, I don’t know. I’ve been suicidal for weeks (months on and off) and been thinking about it this past days. A lot of reasons why; university, family problems, legal issues, self-hatred blah blah blah. Anyway, I decide to watch a couple of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle episodes out of boredom with my little brother and end up watching an episode called ‘Same As It Never Was’.
Now, I’ve got three brothers and I’d be lying if I said the turtle superhereos don’t remind me of us. So this episode has one of the turtle brothers transported to a nightmare future where their […]