today was shit, my seventh period geometry teacher is out to fucking get me. she makes me get in front of a class of 30 dumb ass ignorant teens everyday and make me do the problems and explain them as if im the teacher. i dont mind it too much but of course the kids are relentless and will make any joke they can and the fucking teacher, guess what she does? nothing! she lets them make fun of me on a every day basis. embarrassing is a understatement. but today my voice was shakey (idk the cause but i hadnt gotten any sleep last […]
Here I lay
On the floor.
Here I stay
Within a door.
Here I lie
In the silence.
Here I die
In the darkness.
Here I scream
My voice piercing.
Here I dream
My mind wandering.
Here I talk
Nothing to say.
Here I walk
Nowhere to go.
Here I call
None will listen.
Here I fall
None will hear.
I had something to say, something clever and witty. Now I can’t even remember what it was. Like I’m losing track of my own mind. I’m good at my job, I think. But today, I couldn’t remember how to do even the basic stuff. And I really want to hit the voice in my head, even though that wouldn’t work, and it’s a stupid idea.
The voice in the back of my head telling me I’m useless is really starting to piss me off…
Friday night
Comes and goes
I’m laying here
All alone
Misery visits
As well as my haunting past
Hoping this pain doesn’t last.
A voice
Says
“Darling, you are
Nothing anymore.”
And I believe the words it speaks.
Hands are sweaty
Body is weak.
I grab a chair
and my noose
Hanging it high
Letting my demons loose.
Now I’m gone.
Good thing-I feel like I’m starting all over.Time to do things right.
Bad things-Sure there a lot of beautiful girls but none of them are you.None of them have your eyes,none of them have you voice.I thought my first love had a beautiful voice but then I heard you and now sometimes before I go to sleep I hear the voicemails you left me just to hear you.I have yet to meet a girl that’s like you.You were everything I looked In a girl and more.I’m not young anymore.I want to settle down.I could honestly see myself settling down her.She used to always worry about her […]
a blinking cursor
a crying girl
a flickering screen
a dying heart
a white screen
a black background
a red blade
a clear tear
a silent cry
a loud scream
a hurt yell
a broken howl
a thinking mind
a scaring monster
a running person
a loving soul
a pale face
a pink cut
a blue wall
a dark spot
a violent whisper
a quiet scream
a hopeless word
a panicked voice
It’s one of those mornings that you wake up. Wake up numb. Numb and empty. I can’t even make sense of my thoughts right now, because there are none, but, at the same time, too many things are rushing through my head.
I feel nothing, I feel loneliness, I hate myself for missing him like this. The numbness stabbing at my heart. He’s done enough, don’t be stupid.
I woke up with that feeling of knowing that your voice might break if someone makes you talk right now. But I don’t want them to know I’m dying little by little inside, fear and insecurity taking over me.
Stare […]
So I tried the helium hood kit today. I purchased the flow control kit and pressure guage from exit and bought the balloon time tank of the recommended size, checked the pressure to see if it was full, made the exit bag as per the peaceful pill books instructions and guess what?… IT DIDN’T WORK!!!! I was sitting there like an idiot with the bag around my head for about 5-10 minutes and I didn’t loose consciousness! I felt a slight tingling in my toes and my voice got extremely high but that’s about it. What a waste of time and money! I spent about […]
The truth I hold, took years to unfold, locked up and never told. Now I speak, for I am done being weak. A story I will tell, awakening the pits of my hell.
 Pinned against the wall, being six a little small. Tongue against my chest, you can imagine the rest. Touching, feeling, my eyes rolling to the ceiling. I push away, forced down, screaming, but i was never found.
 Day and night, always full of fright kissing, sucking, nonstop fucking. Crying, weeping and always pleading.
Was I that bad […]
The lines in my hands
tell you their wisdom
while the tears in my eyes
tell you I’ve cried
the things they’ve done
and what they’ve seen
haunt me by day and night
While fireflies go across the sky
My regrets and mistakes crowd in
choking me and making me disappear
beneath their heaving darkness
A bloody cross
is all I see
condemning me to silence
for eternity
Without a voice
without a word
I become invisible
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