I’m probably being stupid, I keep thinking that the only reason that I should continue living is so that my family don’t end up hurt but I’m starting to question my theory. I found my release a week or so ago, cutting, it helped me a bit. Whenever I got shouted at for poor conduct at school or something, I’d concentrate on the pain and everything else would just go silent no matter HOW hard they scream at me, I just wouldn’t hear it. It’s become a routine, planning out and researching how to end my pathetic existence that can’t even affect society, if I […]
Tag:
Weakling
My life has always been about others. I changed, I acted, I stayed silent so that life would be easier for everyone else. I don’t think I’ve ever pursued anything for myself and that’s alright. I never expected anything in return for what I sacrificed, what I left unsaid. I’m ok with being the punching bag, because if it wasn’t me it would be someone else, and no one deserves this. After a while, you start to savor the pain. It’s an acquired taste.
Being alive slowly killed me. Now I am just a shell. An empty body. I can’t quite reach the other side because […]
I’m at the point of my life right now where I’m between childhood and adulthood and pretty soon I’ll be entering the real world. I’m scared about what I’m going to do with my life and I feel like I have nothing to offer in life, that I shouldn’t even be here right now because I’m useless and can’t do anything right. I feel pretty insignificant and scared to tell anyone about it in fear of the reaction they’ll have when I tell them. I’ve already gone through three therapists and none of them have really helped, or more like me thinking that I’m fine […]
You asked me once if my wounds healed.
They do, but only on the outside. I wonder if you’ve realized that on your own. I can’t find it in me to tell you that, and i don’t know why.
I would like them to, really. I want to stop…but i can’t do it on my own. I guess it’s because i’m such a weakling, huh?
I met my husband 8-years ago, online, in a most conceivable place. My need to get away from the reality that surrounded my life led me into an unknown abyss inside the virtual world, that continues till today. I never asked for an ideal living but the constant fights between my parents were a bit too much for my 18 year old soul. I struggled with the yelling and screamings, petrified that they would someday lead to something far worse. Hiding my head under the pillow did not work for too long since afraid as I was of the fights the thought of not knowing […]