The thought of death is lightening…

  April 20th, 2009 by despondent

I met my husband 8-years ago, online, in a most conceivable place. My need to get away from the reality that surrounded my life led me into an unknown abyss inside the virtual world, that continues till today. I never asked for an ideal living but the constant fights between my parents were a bit too much for my 18 year old soul. I struggled with the yelling and screamings, petrified that they would someday lead to something far worse. Hiding my head under the pillow did not work for too long since afraid as I was of the fights the thought of not knowing what was happening was scarier. So I tried to lose myself in the world wide web. Things seemed to improve when I met him, I felt I had a hope for a better future despite my scarred present self. Although, it didn’t last either, to him I was a weakling, far beyond help. He stuck by me till he possibly could and then left dicouraged and lost. I do not blame him really, I would leave me too if I could. Now I am with another man who emtionally and (sometimes) physically abuses me. I have no friends to confide in, only an unlikely flair to write. I think about dying everyday, that is the only thought that keeps me going, anything else is not acceptable.

Hopefully I can get my way someday.

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