I just need a break. I so long for relief. The diagnoses just continue to pile up. Anorexia, Bulimia, Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Â Getting up the simple will to live is an exhausting task. The mood swings, the voices, the weight gain they’re forcing me to have, the constant abandonment of friends and family. They think they have it hard dealing with me. They have no clue. They don’t see my pain, only theirs. I feel given up on. I’ve given up on myself. I don’t want to die, but I just know that I can’t be saved.
Tag:
weight
I am on the track team. At a meet, we are only allowed to run in 4 events. I run in five or as many as my coach will let me.
Most people think about winning while they are running. I think about weight loss.
I can’t walk after I run. My legs won’t work right. I stumble around and try to regain my coordination. I can barely stand but I refuse to let myself sit down due to the fact that if after you run, you sit, your legs tighten up and it makes it difficult to run again. the faster you run, the more weight […]
Honestly though, is life really worth it. Constantly being judged and having to go get hair cuts, ugh so much work. I would rather just skip school and watch American Horror Story all day, am I right? Exactly, but that’s not how life works. We need to work for what we have. I am 14 for crying out loud and I am terrified of the future. I have a shitty job at Tim Hortons and get $10 an hour to pour coffee and listen to all my customers ***** and complain that there no donuts and I forgot a spoon with their sandwich, I know right […]
Aww another day of this face I have to put on daily the happy to be alive face. When inside I am dark ,sad,alone crying I have been this way since I was 15yrs old I have survived multiple attempts on my own life been institutionalized once or twice lied my way Out this face sometimes is hard to keep up that darkness inside me overwhelms me and I go somewhere and take the mask off like now in a place with over 360 people I am crying alone.but I cannot stay this way the mask must be put on again I long to be […]
I suffer from dysthymia, or persistent depressive disorder as it’s called now. I’ve been like this since I was 13, so for 20 years I’ve been in this continuous depressed state, with the occasional bouts of major depression. I’ve been on meds for 10 years.
Sometimes I think maybe my natural state of being is depressed and the meds are just some sort of weight suppressing my true state. When I think this way I accept my depression. I accept I will never be happy. I accept I will never be loved. I have no hopes, wants or dreams. This is what I am. What I […]
I have been in a battle with myself for about 2 years. Ever since I was 9 my family has told me that I need to lose weight because im fat. Yeah a 9 year old should lose weight. I’m actually not fat at all but I’m still in a battle to lose weight. i strain myself to work out. I know what you’re thinking just find someone to talk to. Well guess what I don’t have anyone. My mom never listens to me when I try to talk to her about my day or something she completely tunes me out. She has some “mental […]
“I felt the Lord begin
to peel off all my skin,
and I felt the weight within,
reveal the bigger mess… that you can’t fix.”
Hey, hi, hello. This is my first time using this website. I’m really glad I found It. Well I’m Sam, short for Samantha.
I just got into an awful argument with a boyfriend that I love oh so much. He put me down. We both have gone through the same thing. He however, expects me to become as strong as he is. I’m not, and it’s hard. I’m really weak and a coward. I feel like if I died it would make him happy. I fee like it would make everyone happy. I don’t want to go on knowing one day he thought I was perfect […]
I wasted 34 years of my life because of abuse, or rather they were stolen from me, first child and teenage abuse, in every possible way, then emotional abuse, neglect, indifference, put down, diminished, eradicated, what was an half-empty shell became a dead zombie shell. I freed myself … for a while. Sooner or later had to get back to the familiar, inviting more abuse, meddling with dangerous bad evil people, trying to fight, win…. in the end only time in company of evil, ugliness … monsters. Unable to stop it, overwhelmed and distraught, lost … so tired …exhausted… have had enough
Living like a loser, […]
I hate life. What’s the point in living when you have nothing? I always have this weight on my chest and its so hard to breathe. I just want to scream fuck everything. I don’t want people to tell me it gets better, it doesn’t. I hate when people say they know how I feel. You don’t know a damn thing about me. I don’t show how I feel. And it’s going to stay that way.
first sorry for bad english
This is the last year of my life if i dont change my life in the next 11 months i gonna kill myself so this is my story i am 25 year old and weight 45 kg(i am male) i eat 4-5 meals a day but i dont get weight, most of the time i am mistaken for a 15 year boy and its driving me nuts nobody takes me serios or always makes fun of me i dont mind about when somebody make fun of me because living in this skinny weakling body made me funny(o i just tink […]
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