I wasted 34 years of my life because of abuse, or rather they were stolen from me, first child and teenage abuse, in every possible way, then emotional abuse, neglect, indifference, put down, diminished, eradicated, what was an half-empty shell became a dead zombie shell. I freed myself … for a while. Sooner or later had to get back to the familiar, inviting more abuse, meddling with dangerous bad evil people, trying to fight, win…. in the end only time in company of evil, ugliness … monsters. Unable to stop it, overwhelmed and distraught, lost … so tired …exhausted… have had enough
Living like a loser, when marginal doesn’t apply anymore
Misery, pain, loneliness, hopeless
5 comments
Please don’t hang around with “dangerous, bad, evil” people. Nice people might be more caring. You deserve more. Give yourself that chance.
I’m aware of people having been diagnosed with or suspecting that they have post traumatic stress disorder. The worst kind is when it becomes impossible to move on because the threat is still out there or the worst has already happened. It’s always a shadow hanging over your life. What’s the point in doing anything if it’ll get ruined. It’s possible to permanently remain in a state where a person is unable to accept what has happened and that there’s no way of reclaiming what they’ve lost. I think I understand; but I probably don’t.
Thank you for your kind words, for caring, yes you are right , …. trying
@Duke of Marmalade, Yes you understand very well, thank you. The thing is when I stop all these chaotic activities, I fall into my dark well, facing all that cold horrible darkness, feels even worse, unable to be in silence, as silence becomes a huge black choking thing that smothers me, looking at myself then, at where I am at with incredulity. And still aware that I create more darkness for myself as I go…. endless loop. Gotta break the pattern, I know that, just drawn irresistibly to it, and panic and anxiety (excruciating) when trying to do so
I find that if you pretend something isn’t happening and try to become forgetful, it’s not going to work. The only way is to accept it, find people to help you come to terms with your life.
Everyone reacts differently to an experience or situation. Some people go weeks or months without thinking about it. Others have several relapses throughout each day and can’t get over it.