If we weren’t created by God or some other third party creator, Humanity is essentially the result of a bunch of genetic changes gone haywire, which resulted in most likely unwanted mutations (evolution). In short, humanity is one giant genetic cluster*****.
So if we just “got here”, then life technically doesn’t have a purpose, so life is technically meaningless.
That being said, we are here now, so we may as well do something. Who cares about making a mark on the world. I’m just going to do what I’ve always done: “Suck eternally!”
Finally! I did it late last afternoon. I made everything ready, and then set me Down in my sofa/ couch and drank 4 beer. I found some good music on my stereo and did it! But… I woke up on the floor. The homemade fabric “Rope” i had made was broken. I remember when i was “Gone” hearing a lot of noise and wery fast loud breathing sounds. Really scary. I don’t know how long i was gone. When i woke up i did’nt knew WHO i was or WHERE i was for like 10 seconds. It was wery unrealistic. Now my throat Hurts when i swallow, […]
Let’s see where to start when everything is wrong
My life is a mess and it seems to just get worse
I try to work it out I try to fake a smile
Every time I see the shimmer of light
I get dragged back down into this darkness
Inside my chest is this hole that never seems to heal
Despite my efforts and my attempts it’s the same
Gashed open arms stapled shut
Medication overdose, drowning
Always being found before it’s to late
Dragged to the hospital yet another week
In solitary alone under suicide watch
Every attempt always the same
What’s the point of saving someone
Who doesn’t even want to be here in the first place
Why […]
to try to open up to her? Like seriously, I asked her about it, but she had no interest at all to talk about it. “I don’t want to talk it.” I hate you, whoever told me to do this 🙁 She was nice about it though. She wasn’t upset or rude or anything, I guess she just thinks I’m not the person to talk to about stuff like that.
Btw, I asked our running instructor for her email, and she emailed me her skype account and we chatted a few times over the last few weeks. I have no idea how she thinks about me, […]
Stressing and worrying
Clammy hands and darting eyes
The world all around
She began to despise
The simplest tasks were scary
The people surrounding
Still hurt her profoundly
As the words from there lips
Not a single one missed
*****, slut and whore
Scars she had to bear
On show for the world
Gone but always their
Not a single person helped her
They all saw her drowning
Still going about there day
Noticing and still frowning
She knew nobody cared
But the image still hurt
As family and friends
Stood around and all glared
Drowning more each day
In the tears she had cried
The girl that once was pure
Nearly […]
No idea what to say
The sun isn’t shining today
Beneath the dark clouds
Fighting the rain
Who knows what’ll happen today
In a world sealed off from the inside
People fighting for their lives
Your perspective shrinks down to a spec
And you only find one way out
Beneath the dark clouds
Fighting the rain
Not a single one of us is sane
Fighting ourselves
And anyone that comes near
Becoming the nightmare we fear
To keep going on
Would take to much
So might as well end it here.
People always like to think they know how I feel, or how people like me feel, when they’re all just so far from the truth. All these feelings of worthlessness self hate, and loneliness have taken they’re toll, and reduced me to a shadow of whatever it is I was – I don’t even remember what happiness felt like, it’s just numbness where it should be.
Why do parents have to be so stuck in their ways? I promised myself I’d never make the same mistakes if I ever have kids. Never ever lay a hand on them, let alone a fist. If there’s one thing […]
Sunrise a new day,
Night came and left,
Today’s the same way.
Nothing new,
It’s just like before.
Still want to die,
Everyday feel it more.
As each day goes by,
It becomes clearer to see.
Few give a fuck,
Who’s there for me?
Many good words,
People they say.
You have reason to live,
You have reason to stay.
But what they don’t know,
Is what they can’t see.
Until the day comes,
Maybe then cry over me.
I feel like I’m being tested. A situation that anyone else would feel as normal. That in any other case in my life would be normal now feels like its a test from God. I don’t know if I even believe in God. I don’t know if Karma or any of that exist yet im so lost in with everything right now that I cant get the thought out of my head. I have a road in front of me that if it is a test, I will fail and lose any and all hope of reconciliation, yet I don’t even know if that reconciliation […]
But still, I hate when I have dreams so vivid and real it’s like I’m seriously there. I could feel everything last night in my one particular dream. Feeling the slice and stab of the knife as I tried defending myself. That after-the-fact pain, the bleeding. I could see the bleeding. It was so real, the way it seeped down my side and soaked into my shirt. I strangely enjoyed that.
Self harm withdrawal? Medication side effects? A combination of both? Who knows.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VjTG21T8aU
I was always so damn sober and clean. So sensible around drugs and addiction.
Now I’m beginning to think like an addict. Feelings/thoughts approaching unbearable? Take a pill. A non-prescribed one if necessary.
Every day there are reasons to take a downer. Yes, ironic. I’m as depressed as can be. But the drug makes me stop caring. Makes me dumb, fearless for the duration. Bit wobbly on my feet maybe, but I can face anyone and anything without anxiety.
At last I found an online source of what I need. Marijuana makes me nauseous. Drink was never my thing. But there is a pill for every ill. So […]
His Smile, Ooh I just loved his smile.
His Eyes, I could get lost in them forever.
His Laugh, Brightened my day
He said “Don’t give up. I’m always here for you.
Just Calm down, and you can do it.”
But where is he now?
More than a Hundred miles away, Living his life, Ignoring my existence..
What do I do now?
Who do I talk to?
What happened to PainNLife and Procel?
I’m sure there are more people I’m forgetting at the moment but most of you seem to still be here.
Don’t be shy! Speak up!
17 year old girl kills herself
How does that sound?
She traveled to Haiti, helped build a school, was part of the soccer team, contributed more than 200 hours of service to her community.
Does that make my life anymore valuable than the next victim?
What about being disrespectful, to my parents, my sister, myself
Do I deserve death now?
Every time I feel down an depressed I tell myself I don’t have he right to, there are so many people in worse conditions with a smile on their face and here I am complaining
I don’t deserve not have the right to feel sad
I […]
I’m not really feeling like smiling right now, honestly. Â But I’ve heard that writing positive poetry makes you feel positive. Â So I’ll give it a whirl.
Here’s my smile to brighten your day
And light the dark routes along the way
Through the winding road that’s life
Filled with anger, resentment, and strife
Hard is the brick beneath our feet
Harsh are the people upon this street
Who smile with poisoned lips and grin
A friend outside, a foe within
But not all who walk this winding way
Wish to harm or lead astray
By your side I walk as well
A fellow traveler through this hell
Lifting my smile as a tiny light
This site is so sad yet so important – even having a rant or sharing to a cyber-shoulder can help.. can’t it? I have been increasingly thinking of suicide again.. and when I say thinking of it I mean it really has always been there. As with a lot of people on here who have suffered with mental and emotional baggage a big part of their life… they understand. I fall into a bracket where it has always been there looming.. but I guess it gets to a point in your life (I’m an oldie at 48) where you realise you have put a damn […]
I sit by the computer
Waiting for a response
Someone to talk to
Just one person
Thats all I want
Someone to talk to
That is there
But I mean
Who would?
Who would talk to a depressed and suicidal girl like me?
Who would sit and take their time to talk to me?
People have lives I understand that
But all I just want is someone to talk to
I feel so lonely sometimes
When I just sit here
With the music on playing softly
Just waiting for a response, but never getting one
Oh so lonely…
There’s going to be people in your life
People who will judge you
People who will hate you
They will tell you you’re not good enough
That you don’t deserve to live
That you are not loved
That everyone wants you to die
That no one cares about you
That everyone hates you
And you’re going to believe them
Your self esteem and confidence will go down
People will constantly tell you hateful things
Over and over and over and over
Until one day you finally break under the hate
The day you can’t take it anymore
That day can either be good or it […]
The Dweller Alone by Stella Benson
My Self has grown too mad for me to master.
Craven, beyond what comfort I can find,
It cries: “Oh, God, I am stricken with disaster.”
Cries in the night: “I am stricken, I am blind….”
I will divorce it. I will make my dwelling
Far from my Self.
Not through these hind’ring tears
Will I see men’s tears shed.
Not with these ears
Will I hear news that tortures in the telling.
I will go seeking for my soul’s remotest
And stillest place.
For oh, I starve and thirst
To hear in quietness man’s passionate protest,
Against the doom with which his world is cursed.
Not my own wand’rings—not my own abidings—
Shall give my search […]
Need more friends with wings.
All the angels I know
put concrete in my veins.
I’d always walk home alone.
So I became lifeless
just like my telephone.
There’s nothing to lose.
When no one knows your name.
There’s nothing to gain.
But the days don’t seem to change.
ever played truth or dare
I’d have to check my mirror
To see if I’m still here
My parents had no clue
That I ate all my lunches
Alone in the bathroom
There’s nothing to lose
When no one knows your name
There’s nothing to gain
But the days don’t seem to change
There’s nothing to lose
My notebook will […]