I dont know how this site works. What im supposed to write on. All i know is im tired of holding my feelings inside. I was diagnosed with a Chronic disease in 5th grade, and i almost died. What didnt help was kids telling everyone i was faking it or teachers telling me “you couldve done your homework while you were having an mri” etc. My dad is basically a zombie. Ever since both his parents died and he lost his job, he has no emotions. Hes never happy.. He just sits there and types on the computer. My mom is always yelling at me, […]
Tag:
worse
Sometimes I wonder what the point of all of this is? When those thoughts start running through my mind I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if I ended it all. However, I don’t want to hurt the small amount of people that actually care about me which is why I haven’t and probably wont ever do it. It’s still depressing to have all of these thoughts. I really wish I didn’t. On some level I feel guilty and I feel like maybe I’m taking everything for granted. Compared to others my life is pretty normal I suppose. At least now it […]
Sometimes it’s not always about your surroundings and situations. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I hate myself. I have my good and bad days like everyone else. If I’m honest though, I can’t stand myself. I can hardly find a single positive attribute of myself. That is simply the fact of it for me. My life has been a series of shitty decisions on my part, situations/circumstances/incidents that have crippled me and/or haunted me. I’ve always told myself that there are people who have it worse and not to be a baby. I have done most everything I can think of […]
I am fairly new here. I found this website in my darkest days and I am not sure if it is gonna make everything better or worse but it is good to read people’s experiences and have a chance to help them. I can say that I have survived and strayed from the darkest version of myself. I hope I can help you also! I am here when you need me. I mean it.
Along with the overwhelming fear of failing an attempt (again), I have always been afraid of succeeding and finding some place worse than life on this Earth. Do people who commit suicide go to some type of “Hell”? Is there a Hell? Is there an afterlife? Will I be welcome to it if I force myself into it? Or is death like a dreamless sleep from which one never awakes? This notion terrifies me but is comforting at the same time. There may be nothing there at all which includes no depression, no anxiety, no more fear of death, no more hardships from life; there may just […]
He handed me a pair of pliers
and he told me to pull out his teeth,
because as long as he had them he’d
use them to do bad things.
You’re cold on the inside,
there’s a dog in your heart
and it tells you to tear everything apart.
My body’s covered in teeth marks.
Your bite’s worse than your bark.
You ruin everything you touch and
destroy anyone you love.
You’re all over me.
He’d sunk his teeth into the flesh of many others,
infecting them with whatever was already inside him.
He’d broken all their hymens,
cut them open and played inside them.
I thought I’d put my suicide note here. I don’t really wanna leave a note for anyone I know but I know I wanna leave some sort of note. Being a completely new member here allows me the chance to say anything without prejudice.
Ive suffered with mental illness all my life. One of my 1st ever memories is of a childish and feeble suicide attempt. I can’t have been more than 5. I’m the youngest of 6 brothers and I have the greatest mum in the world. Although my childhood was outwardly great I always knew something was wrong. I was a gifted child both […]
Well, ok I do have SOME reason to be here. I have a story, a few actually, I like to share and write so this site seems perfect for me. But for right now I’m fine, not perfect but fine. I’ll share more of my stories on here later, but for right now I want to get settled in. I’ve been depressed 4 times in my short 16 years of life. 3 of those were real, mature depressions and I’ve been suicidal twice. My last depression nearly killed me. I’ll explain later, but I had also had an anxiety disorder and that opened the door […]
So, I told my doctor that the voices are getting worse, and he told me to tell my psychiatrist. And I did.
What a load of bull.
She refers to the as ‘thoughts’ and ignores them. I’m sorry, but I know the difference between thoughts and voices. These are voices. And she doesn’t even do anything about them.
My mum told her I was crying to her about them, yet she still did nothing about them.
She doesn’t ‘think they’re a worry’.
I can’t even go a day in school without them being there.
I disrupt classes by yelling at them, skip classes because of them, and have had multiple days off.
My therapist forced […]
….you have to kill the person!
I’m in so much pain and it’s only gonna get worse.. there’s only one way it will truly stop.
Idk how I’m gonna keep going at this rate
Hi there,
I recently got divorced from my wonderful wife, we met wen we were 14 and had been together ever since. Up until 6 months ago when she left me and my life had spiralled out of control.
She left me with over 20k debt which has trashed my credit file and take me 11 years to pay off. She moved in with another man and it broke my heart.
However I couldn’t believe my luck I met a wonderful girl within a few weeks of my divorce but things went from bad to worse, she ended up pregnant and aborted our child without telling me which […]
On my way to hell…I passed a lonely church.. the congregation weakened by the warnings of the words.. scriptures toppling proverbs under a deceitful preacher’s curse.. what would they have to say, as they lay me into dirt… many places you can turn but where he goes is worse… don’t be this man you see inside, instead we close the box for good..lay it down to rest, pave it over as we should..
no need for leaving markers we seek to find one day.. if you listen hard enough, you can hear a dead man say.. heaven never had me, and claims of shallow graves.. […]
When I was a young girl, my parents were divorced and I lived with my mother. I thought that’s how families were suppose to be though. You have two separated parents and just visit the one occasionally. Then one day my mom started seeing this guy. I had an idea of what was going on because my dad was also seeing another woman. But the strange thing to me was when my mom and this guy who was actually a complete stranger to me got engaged and he moved in. It was weird at first but I liked the idea of having two “parents” together. […]
I wanted to thank people at this site who have been so kind to me.
I have been diagnosed, at least in the past, with recurrent major depression. What makes it worse are the moments when I’m flying high, and I feel like I can accomplish all this stuff. Then I get anxious, and the anxiety transforms into a deep depression.
I have made it out of bed once today. No one can save me, and no one can even tell me what is wrong. I’m an adult, but I cannot seem to function like one. Actually, I can’t even function much like a human being anymore. […]
I keep thinking about cutting again. I haven’t done it in several years. But something should make me feel better. The surrogate relationship I’m trying to let happen only makes me feel worse. Fucking virgins. I got out of the cherry chasing game a long time ago. Why cant she see that I will destroy her? I never cut for the pain. I have a high pain tolerance so it doesn’t really hurt much. I just like watching the blood. Watching the life trickle out of me. Watching it course down my skin until it drips. Wishing I was selfish enough to let out all […]
There’s nothing worse than hell temporal eternum
The spells that surrounds me
Words that I speak
I wonder one day, when I look up to the sky
Sad and sadness, doesn’t exist
Words lost, sunk into the bottom of the ocean
The bide, who am I
To be lone, what is it
Come with me if you have nobody
I will take you, I will save
Forever, no matter who you are
God, Where are you, of all I need you
A final, what does it all mean
Can such be, for me
I used to believe anything was possible. Straight A’s. Got into a good university fresh from high school.
I always wanted to cure the acne scars on my face. I thought no man would love me with these scars. So I paid for a laser treatment. It did not make things better, it made things worse. Now half of my face is beautiful and untouched and the other, treated half is ruined. I can’t help but think this affects everything people think about me. The bad half of my face makes me looks sloppy, stupid and trollish.
Worse yet, it is all my fault. And so are […]
I hate myself.
I hate myself because I know that others have it way way worse than me and they aren’t complaining. I hate myself because I am not skinny enough. I am not smart enough. I am not pretty enough. I’m not nice enough. I’m not friendly enough. I’m not out-going enough. I’m not talkative enough. I’m not open enough. I’m not perfect enough. I’m just…. not enough. I hate that I’m such… an attention whore. I hate that a lot of people have it way worse than me and I’m here just cry a river and thinking of ending it, but it ending because […]
Lets play a game. I am going to comment my difficulty setting and I want you to tell me yours then think of two things that could make it worse.
This is my last post, if everything goes well (or horribly wrong, depends on how you see it I guess).
I’m gonna end things this week since some events happened that made me realize the more I prolong things, the worse it’s for me and everyone around me who have to deal with my sorry ass.
I haven’t told anyone but I felt I should just post a little something here. I don’t know.
Anyway. I hope you all the best, whatever the best means for you.
Goodbye