*You love yourself.
Reality: You hate your self.
*Your so peaceful.
Reality: You want to kill yourself.
And every smiles back.
Tag:
yourself
I had a domineering dictator of a dad who I was afraid of for most of my childhood. When I was alone, away from him in my room, I was at peace, there was relief. It’s here I found the freedom in being alone.
When you’re alone, you’re not beholden to anyone, you can slip into anonymity and observe. No strings. No attachment. You only have to check things past yourself.
Of course this aloneness brings loneliness and then you’re at an impasse. This is why my few relationships have failed. I want my cake and eat it to. To be alone but not lonely.
Alrighty, here goes nothing. I am trying to not cut, as per usual, and instead of cutting, I find inspirational stories on the web- pictures of healed scars, supportive tattoos etc. Unfortunately I ran into one of those memes that says something about cutters not cutting the right way and why don’t you use a lawn mower and only emo kids cut because they just want to fit in… WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! Cutters cut because they are in so much fucking pain, or they are so numb or so hurt or so damn traumatized that the only way they can […]
Rock Bottom. It’s more of a home to me now than ever before. I come and go from this place. I never leave it permanently. I end up messing things up all the time anyhow. I don’t feel anything. I feel sick. I feel like the energy is slowly dying in me. I can’t go to anyone anymore. I annoy them with my constant complaints. They have better things to do. Lately, days seem longer and the sleep seems short. I’ve been here before. I know every pain and feeling that comes with being here again. I can never get used to it. I always […]
Be like the river and flow
Be like the mountain and stand tall
Be like the grass gentle and soft
Be like the wind fierce and fearless
Be like this and be who you are and never question it.
Those who tell you otherwise have no room to judge
You are strong, kind, and beautiful like nature.
Never forget that about yourself
And remember no matter who you are and thou I may not ever know you…
I think the world is a wonderful place because you are here.
they knew i wasn’t happy
they knew i wanted to kill myself
they knew i need to leave this country
they just don’t care about you
they don’t
and now what
he crushed your dreams and left you alone.
everyone is busy with their life and dreams
you’re the one with nothing
why don’t you get it ?
you only have yourself in this hopeless world..
I have researched and read that jumping from a great height is the most effective method of suicide this side of shooting yourself with a shotgun. Yet I worry about the people who might find me: what if it’s some little kid who is then traumatized for life, because of what I did. That would be jacked up.
Does anyone else go through the cycle of getting your life back on track and at that precise moment fucking it up all over again, then having to claw it back? I’m a middle aged person, somewhat successful in a career, yet never fully achieving my potential, really just getting by. I’ve suffered non specific, non diagnosable illness most of my adult life (ibs, cfs, etc) and have fought and fought and fought against them. On many occasions I have wanted out, and only came close once to attempting. I’ve done research and am confident I can do it if I have the resolve. Recently […]
I feel like I’m withering away.
Rotting from the inside out.
My body breaking down and I’m going into shock.
I can’t feel anything anymore.
There is no life left in me.
Not sure why my heart is still beating and my eyes still seeing, my fingers still touching, and my mind just wandering.
Around in circle until I can’t remember who I am.
I’ve forgotten.
Or had I ever really known?
It takes courage to take your own life.
To let yourself drift into nothingness.
Into the unknown.
To leave your family, your home, this life.
But this home is no longer a home.
It […]
Do you realize how hard it is to smile when all you can think about is killing yourself?
I’m testing tomorrow to graduate, sure it’s with a GED, but it’s more than I’ve ever expected to do in life.
Like I’ve said before, I never imagined living past a certain age… But to be turning 17 next month, and to be graduating this month… It feels so unreal. I’ve already been asked so many times what I plan to major in, but honestly I’m not sure what I want to do with a life I didn’t even want to keep. I want to make a difference, I really do, but I’m just one person y’know? and I don’t know exactly how I’m going to […]
Hello everyone, I am trying to develop an app to help those who are suicidal on a regular basis (such as myself.) I wanted to ask you a few questions if that is okay, and from your help this app can actually happen one day. 🙂 (Some of these questions are appropriated from metanoia.org. Check it out if you have time.)
What makes it so hard for you to stay?
What do you view suicide as?
How would you commit suicide?
On average, 6 people are intimately affected by the suicide of a friend, family member, etc. Who do you think would miss you the most? (Can be […]
What does being happy mean to you guys? I want to learn how to be happy so I can make someone else happy. My depression always gets in the way. I just want to be happy. I want to know what happiness feels like. Can you fall in love when you don’t love yourself?
“Tearing down the rest of the world won’t make you happy. Look inside yourself. Because finding who you were meant to be? What you were put into this world to do? That’s what fills the emptiness. It’s the only things that can.”
I’m sure many of you heard the breaking news today of 2 news reporters being shot to death by a disgruntled former employee while the victims where filming live.
I saw the video and its deplorable and unforgivable. These innocent people where happy, loved life, and didn’t want nor diserve to die. This monster than turned the gun on himself. I never understood why people like this just don’t shoot themselves instead of trying to take others with him.
Thing is – the man is still alive and in critical condition. He shot himself in the head with a handgun. A lot of people have the misconception that […]
So, my post where I add a link with all my posts in the forum has been removed. Please explain why, how it breaks the forum rules. If it breaks them, I accept it. But how it breaks the rules.
Some people made severe accusations toward me, I asked for proof, they said they are not interested to give proofs.
So, how you could accuse someone without proof?
I have a text file with all my comments in the forum. I will post here or send it to you, or you could check by yourself.
I don’t want to troll here, or create dramas, but when someone accuse another […]
You know if someone annoys you or you get in a fight? you can easily walk away from them right? or ignore them forever. But what if that person is yourself? you have no escape, youre stuck with yourself forever. and that scares me a lot.. like i cant just take a break from being around me.
Alright, I’ma try to dedicate this other to this other one.
What makes you beautiful, is the secret inside of you.
You are already, your perfect cathedral.
Don’t change yourself, from being just.
Grow in your nature like you were meant to.
Keep going and someday, life will be beautiful.
Like the way that you told me so.
If you may, may I ask, to pray for me just for tonight.
What makes you beautiful, is the secret inside of you.
All who are thinking about suicide as an answer…. before you have your attempt at it please do yourself a favor and get the book “The Reason” by Lacey Sturm. It may help you find perspective.
Last week, Darvin wrote a list of 100 “reasons” as we should stay alive. I commented but didn’t go into depth. I read each one. My replies are in all caps.
HERE WAS DARVINS POST. THIS IS MY TAKE. my responses will be in all caps in order to tell between his and mine. Not yelling.
“1. We would miss you – YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME.
2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you – THE DEAD HAVE NO REGRETS. I WONT FAIL WHEN THE […]