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I believe mostly good people kill themselves

by berndt2010

For some reason, since I was 16 (I’m now 39), I have been fascinated with death. Not in a morbid sense, in fact, I am anything but morbid. For reasons unbeknown to myself, I always saw death as something beautiful and extremely exciting, and not the upsetting and dark thing that most people feel about it. As a child I was thought of as weird to not get upset, or be fearful, of death.

As I got older, I began to feel that suicide seems to be the solution for mostly ‘good’ people (I mean, you don’t hear of as many pedophiles, rapists and murderers committing suicide do you?). No, mostly it’s ‘tortured’ people. Now this is another thing that I have always been sceptical about – mental illness. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, I absolutely believe it does. But I can’t help but feel that since there are actually no cures for depression, bi-polar and other mental illnesses, that it must be (for some) either a natural state of being, or a symptom of what has happened to them in their lives. On all forums such as these, are countless people describing horrible things that have happened to them, or their loved ones letting them time and that they have encountered endless let downs, catastrophe’s and harm. Maybe, just maybe, suicidal thoughts IS the way out for those people who have tried over and over again to piece together a life, that can never be repaired. Maybe, just maybe, it IS your saviour calling you???

Which brings me onto something else: suicide is a tremendously brave thing to do. It is NOT an easy way out and it seems to me that the only people who say these things are the ones who have never experienced despair. So maybe, just maybe, suicide is your saviour calling you from this hell and maybe, just maybe, only the very brave get through???

Now, I’m only talking about those who really really are at the end of the line. Those who have probably attempted suicide or overcome depression a few times, only to find themselves back there again. Those who have suffered for years and can think of nothing else  but death as the only way out. Those who are so very tired and simply cannot go on. 

I think it’s just as possible as any other religion or philosophy, that this earth is in fact hell, or some kind of test that gets you onto a higher plane (the promised land, heaven – however you wish to see it). I mean, come on, can anyone really wholeheartedly and intelligently suggest, that life on earth is a blessing? Maybe life is a blessing, maybe the earth is a blessing, but I think it would be absurd to suggest that this human life, with society as it is, is a blessing. Society is corrupt and you simply have to be blind or incredibly ignorant not to see it. The only way to survive this successfully is to remain ignorant (either ignorantly, or knowingly ignorant). Maybe the suicidal have just lost the ability to remain disillusioned. Maybe once ‘God’ can see that really has happened, he calls you on? I mean, why do ‘good’ people become plagued with suicidal thoughts? Why not mostly bad and evil people? Believe me, I know a lot of people, some are bad, in the way that they are ruthless, cruel, manipulative and really greedy, unfaithful, you name it – and yet they are the happiest people I know! Sure, I know some happy good people, but either their happiness is not as strong as the bad people, or if they are, it is much rarer than the bad people, or, the good people, quite frequently, suffer from depression.

I have read many posts on here and on other sites, and I have lost count of all the times that I have felt so strongly that I would love to meet that person and befriend them, maybe help them by just offering understanding and love, not in a good-samaritan kind of way, just in a real friendship way. And it adds to the turmoil I feel that these lovely people are going through hell, alone, whilst all the shitty people are living it up in nice suits drinking champagne in the sun! (or something similar, you get my drift). I would love to have more people in my life who actually need your friendship, for real reasons, instead of just to boost their profile!  Maybe, just maybe, once ‘God’ knows that person can see the truth, he separates them from the rest of society whilst he gently calls to them.

Unfortunately, a lot of god fearing people will condemn those who commit suicide, or even contemplate it. They will say that it’s the devil, not God, that is calling them. But that’s what confuses me; why is it the ‘tortured’ ‘good’ people that he calls and not his bunch of rapist and pedo’s? Because, I believe, this here is hell, this is already his realm, which is why this place is so corrupt and ugly – only the good can see it. Those who think life is wonderful can only be tempted by materialism and greed, rape and war. What other reason is there to be here? Seriously?

I’m starting to think that life here on earth is a test of the ‘devil’ (I personally don’t believe in the ‘devil’ but the notion of it) Those that are successful, well that speaks for itself!  You’ve just got to watch the news to see that the law does not protect the good and that mostly, love is an illusion. I am not talking about the sort of love that truly good people feel (love for everything, the earth, thy neighbour, animals, plants, everything!) but human life on earth is clearly destroying all that! Love rarely exists in this society and that’s one of the fundamental things that suicidal people are lacking – they know what love should be, and they know it is near impossible to find here on earth. Most of those who portray to be successful in love, really have only bought into the whole illusion and again, they live in ignorance. I only know one person who is ‘happily’ married, as in they have not ever cheated on each other or have settled (even though they would never see it) for a marriage of convenience of some kind. Everything is a deal (I will stay married to you if you do this that and the other, and if you break that deal I will leave you and sue the arse off you).

If the ‘devil’ is calling you to death, then why isn’t it much easier to do? I honestly think that how suicide is dealt with on this planet is a trick and it has conned us all. Same with mental illness. Why on earth is there no cure for it? Only methods to sedate you or numb the feelings? Apparently, we have a plant growing on this earth for every single ailment we could possible encounter, but they are banned. If someone chooses to try to kill themselves have you seen how the police handle them? I watched The Bridge documentary recently and I noticed that once someone is coaxed off the ledge, they are handcuffed like a criminal. Why? if they have just by their own means, chosen to climb back over, do they need to be handcuffed? They were not violent or trying to run away. It’s all to make people who are suicidal seem bad and to scare other people. Most of the time that person really needs comfort, love and genuine understanding, but instead, we chose to put them into a secure, cold and often hostile unit. So we haven’t even worked out how to deal with them with care??? Nonsense.

Of course, not all suicides are good people. Of course there will be the odd case where a pedophile or rapist or murderer kills themselves, but more often than not, thats’ through fear of prison or the death penalty. I for one, have never in my entire life, when I have heard a news report about a suicide, that it’s from a person confessing to terrible acts, who was not even known to the police and had no chance of being caught soon. 

It’s just a thought, but something that I feel strongly about. ‘Good’ people cannot survive well here on earth.


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LessWorse 7/28/2010 - 10:02 pm

You are definitely, absolutely, undeniably EVIL, and when your heart stops beating for three days straight, you will suffer for your crime when you remember everything.

bghb 7/29/2010 - 12:20 am

I wish I had a friend like you.

barbequelamb 7/29/2010 - 7:28 am

I too wish there were more people like you, instead of the ignorant ‘haters’ out there. These people (yes you lessWorse) are the ones who are evil, it’s so obvious. They would rather force a person against their will, to live in this hell that is controlled by people like that, who use religion to practise their hate and evil. The world is backwards, I saw this just a few years ago, and it was a severe wake up call let me tell you!
Thanks Berndt for having the balls to post this.

Codename Dreamer 7/31/2010 - 2:35 am

Good nor crazy my friend… It’s a long story, but it’s one that no seems to know. It seems that yes, alot of people who are good people do commit suicide. It just seems, we are not meant for this world in itself… We are too vunerable due to our docile dog help dog world. We are shitzu puppies in a world full of rabid German Shepards. That’s why… Soon, there will be no good people left then. I’ll be the first to say, that our world is so undeniably unstable that we lie and tell ourselves that we are problem. Truth be told, our world was gone ages ago…. We have to fight for our existence. This is why we try. Mustn’t give up when we still have regrets.

evolve 8/1/2010 - 7:56 pm

I wish I had a friend like you too =) you are smart and I am interested in reading your next post (if you ever write one).

evolve 8/1/2010 - 8:00 pm

Is there something we can do to help people who don’t have love? Perhaps you can go on dating sites and display that you are only looking for friends. Then you can find your perfect friend match! That could solve the lack of love! If someone is suicidal and all they need is for someone to deeply understand them and to legitimize their feelings and make them feel better, then perhaps they can enjoy life again. Hopefully. (It’s hard to make good friends).

470four 1/1/2012 - 1:18 pm

@berndt – Thankyou for such a good post! I came on here after a remarkably troubled Xmas and new year to converse with like minded people (am Bi-polar class2), will be looking to catch the bus soon & its good to know there are people out there who dont see the act as immoral/evil etc… 🙂


jes7654321 2/3/2012 - 10:52 pm

What crime? I agree. I do not want to have children because i hate it here. If i were more stable i would be interested in adoption. I would love to detach from my body and from this earth and no longer feel anxiety, sadness, despair, fear, etc… it would be heaven. When one goes through a lot of counselors, psychiatrists, tries many prescriptions, changes his/her attitude, exercises, eats mostly natural things, adds religion and there is not much of a change all hope is lost. Death seems to be the only answer because it is the end of misery. When you are dead, you do not have to struggle for food and shelter anymore. Also, you will not have hormones so moods will be stable and it would not matter if one is alone because it is human nature to have to be with someone and to have bonds. Death is peace. But i really do not want anyone to commit suicide. I guess it is just nice to say how i feel about death.

jes7654321 2/3/2012 - 10:56 pm

At funerals i have been jealous of the dead but sad for the survivors or friends and family. I do feel bad when people who want to live die. What a waste. Why can’t it be me?

itsme2012 4/20/2012 - 4:29 pm

I couldn’t agree more. It’s like the world is designed for assholes. Speaking for myself, I grow up in an abusive enviroment, decided to change myself, spend 10 years in therapy, wasn’t depressed anymore, felt good and was very happy. Then some bonehead doctor comes along and ruines my life with Cipro to threat a sinus infection.

My life changed from 95% life enjoyement to 5%. I am in agonizing physical pain day and night, taking morphine and other pain killers to survive.

And I wonder why on earth is this happening to me? I have been always fair and caring to people, I had dreams goals, like setting up projects for children in need. All of that down the drain.

I can’t help it but feeling suicidal, because I can’t take more pain.

Now to answer the main question, why good people suffer the most, wish I had all the answer, but one of them may be Karma, (cause and effect) and the other one is that evil always seems to win on the physical earth plane. Look what happens to Jesus and so many other prophets like Ghandi and you name it.

Although, we have the obligation to take care of ourselves the best we can, and love ourselves, suicide isn’t the unforgivable sin. What matters is how we live and how we feel about the Divine and God.

truthbetold 4/20/2012 - 8:11 pm

excellent post sir .. 5/5

truthbetold 4/20/2012 - 9:09 pm

I’ve been struggling with anger, apathy and hopelessness, trying to delude myself into believing there’s a good reason I’m still here, that I’ll learn to tolerate this world’s ugliness with time

the truth is the human experience has lost 85 to 90% of its appeal to me .. I’m glad I was able to read a POV I can strongly relate to

itsme2012 4/24/2012 - 3:31 pm

One more thing I haven’t mentioned. Since the topic is ‘good people and suicide’, my sister took her life in 2001. She was a wonderful person, loving, caring, but severely depressed caused by our upbringing. I feel she is still around, and hope she is in a better place.. I was closest to her, because she was honest and unlike my other family members, she didn’t bury the past.

truthbetold 6/23/2012 - 3:46 am

“You’ve just got to watch the news to see that the law does not protect the good and that mostly, love is an illusion. I am not talking about the sort of love that truly good people feel (love for everything, the earth, thy neighbour, animals, plants, everything!) but human life on earth is clearly destroying all that! Love rarely exists in this society and that’s one of the fundamental things that suicidal people are lacking – they know what love should be, and they know it is near impossible to find here on earth.”

damn right

bogette 6/26/2012 - 11:09 pm

I wish i could be your friend

clarity1987 8/10/2012 - 8:18 am

that was a fantastic falls. I wish there was more people like minded like yourself on this site. hi to agree that mostly good people commit suicide for a variety of reasons. I look forward to reading for the posts from you

itsme2012 9/28/2012 - 5:03 pm

According to Sylvia Browne, People who commit suicide are sent to a place Sylvia calls the holding place. Here they must make a choice to either proceed through the left door or embrace God and move on to the light. What it means is this, If you feel as a spirit your suicide wasn’t justified, you may be afraid for judgement. If you don’t feel that way you cross over like anyone else.

I don’t know all the in and outs, all I can say is..my health is so ruined, life in intractable pain day and night, hardly have any moments of enjoyment and doctors can’t fix me. So I can’t imagine I will be afraid of Judgement, neither God wouldn’t understand my/our decisions.

Although I believe life is precious, and we have to do everything in our power do make improvements, there are situations where there are no ‘solutions’ to our suffering.

Donnie 9/28/2012 - 5:04 pm

I think we just die.

JBThazard 4/4/2013 - 12:29 am

I’m not religious, but this post is magnificent.

Godlovesus 6/13/2013 - 12:31 pm

This is my first time seeing this site. I read an original note about good people who commit suicide. And even as a Christian, I actually agree. Although I really hate the fact that so many of us are hurting so bad that it seems like a good way out. In the article it mentioned either your Savior calling you or the devil calling you. Think about it, if our world is as bad as we ALL know it is, why would God call the good out of it? That would leave the pedophiles and murders as the article said here to rule. If good is absent, what good will come of this world? If you took evil out of this world, what would a day be like? Going to the park, work, the mall, driving on the freeway? NO fear of carjacking, murder or kidnapping? The good people in this world are what make this world good. WE have to find what our role is and walk in it. I know life is hard and it is scary to even imagine raising kids now, but who will be here to help with the ones that do come. I have to say, I would vote that the devil is the one calling good people to not be here to make this world better. Even with the pain and anger, you are actually a good one. Please reconsider…We actually need you.

no more of this please 12/3/2015 - 3:24 am

I like this post

hi-death 7/7/2016 - 12:15 pm

Hi. This is an almost exact articulation of how I feel. Bad people do bad things to good people and they are held in high regard because ignorant people don’t see. I miss being ignorant. I grew up with daily beatings. 17 different foster homes and 2 rapes from 13-17 . Drugs at 18. Alcohol until 22. Bootstrapping since then. Just got out of a 7 year relationship of emotional abuse. I’ve always had a bleeding heart and high empathy. I’m too kind and would would give what I had to help others out. 5 people have so thoroughly abused me in a direct way and that’s not even counting the abuse inflicted on some members of society by the people who make the rules. I really don’t enjoy life anymore and I want to die so badly. I’ve always been told to forgive, turn the other cheek, pray for them, suck it up, it’s a lesson I needed to learn… etc… None of these ideas make things better for me, they just make me vulnerable again. I see manipulative people manipulate their way up while preaching these ideas that keep people like me returning to vulnerability so they can use us. I really want to die but my mom…

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