For some reason, since I was 16 (I’m now 39), I have been fascinated with death. Not in a morbid sense, in fact, I am anything but morbid. For reasons unbeknown to myself, I always saw death as something beautiful and extremely exciting, and not the upsetting and dark thing that most people feel about it. As a child I was thought of as weird to not get upset, or be fearful, of death.
As I got older, I began to feel that suicide seems to be the solution for mostly ‘good’ people (I mean, you don’t hear of as many pedophiles, rapists and murderers committing suicide do you?). No, mostly it’s ‘tortured’ people. Now this is another thing that I have always been sceptical about – mental illness. I’m not saying it doesn’t exist, I absolutely believe it does. But I can’t help but feel that since there are actually no cures for depression, bi-polar and other mental illnesses, that it must be (for some) either a natural state of being, or a symptom of what has happened to them in their lives. On all forums such as these, are countless people describing horrible things that have happened to them, or their loved ones letting them time and that they have encountered endless let downs, catastrophe’s and harm. Maybe, just maybe, suicidal thoughts IS the way out for those people who have tried over and over again to piece together a life, that can never be repaired. Maybe, just maybe, it IS your saviour calling you???
Which brings me onto something else: suicide is a tremendously brave thing to do. It is NOT an easy way out and it seems to me that the only people who say these things are the ones who have never experienced despair. So maybe, just maybe, suicide is your saviour calling you from this hell and maybe, just maybe, only the very brave get through???
Now, I’m only talking about those who really really are at the end of the line. Those who have probably attempted suicide or overcome depression a few times, only to find themselves back there again. Those who have suffered for years and can think of nothing else Â but death as the only way out. Those who are so very tired and simply cannot go on.Â
I think it’s just as possible as any other religion or philosophy, that this earth is in fact hell, or some kind of test that gets you onto a higher plane (the promised land, heaven – however you wish to see it). I mean, come on, can anyone really wholeheartedly and intelligently suggest, that life on earth is a blessing? Maybe lifeÂ is a blessing, maybe the earthÂ is a blessing, but I think it would be absurd to suggest that this human life, with society as it is, is a blessing. Society is corrupt and you simply have to be blind or incredibly ignorant not to see it. The only way to survive this successfully isÂ to remain ignorant (either ignorantly, or knowingly ignorant). Maybe the suicidal have just lost the ability to remain disillusioned. Maybe once ‘God’ can see that really has happened, he calls you on? I mean, why do ‘good’ people become plagued with suicidal thoughts? Why not mostly bad and evil people? Believe me, I know a lot of people, some are bad, in the way that they are ruthless, cruel, manipulative and really greedy, unfaithful, you name it – and yet they are the happiest people I know! Sure, I know some happy good people, but either their happiness is not as strong as the bad people, or if they are, it is much rarer than the bad people, or, the good people, quite frequently, suffer from depression.
I have read many posts on here and on other sites, and I have lost count of all the times that I have felt so strongly that I would love to meet that person and befriend them, maybe help them by just offering understanding and love, not in a good-samaritan kind of way, just in a real friendship way. And it adds to the turmoil I feel that these lovely people are going through hell, alone, whilst all the shitty people are living it up in nice suits drinking champagne in the sun! (or something similar, you get my drift). I would love to have more people in my life who actually needÂ your friendship, for real reasons, instead of just to boost their profile! Â Maybe, just maybe, once ‘God’ knows that person can see the truth, he separates them from the rest of society whilst he gently calls to them.
Unfortunately, a lot of god fearing people will condemn those who commit suicide, or even contemplate it. They will say that it’s the devil, not God, that is calling them. But that’s what confuses me; why is it the ‘tortured’ ‘good’ people that he calls and not his bunch of rapist and pedo’s? Because, I believe, thisÂ here is hell, this is already hisÂ realm, which is why this place is so corrupt and ugly – only the good can see it. Those who think life is wonderful can only be tempted by materialism and greed, rape and war. What other reason is there to be here? Seriously?
I’m starting to think that life here on earth is a test of the ‘devil’ (I personally don’t believe in the ‘devil’ but the notion of it) Those that are successful, well that speaks for itself! Â You’ve just got to watch the news to see that the law does not protect the good and that mostly, loveÂ is an illusion. I am not talking about the sort of love that truly good people feel (love for everything, the earth, thy neighbour, animals, plants, everything!) but human life on earth is clearly destroying all that! Love rarely exists in this society and that’s one of the fundamental things that suicidal people are lacking – they knowÂ what love should be, and they knowÂ it is near impossible to find here on earth. Most of those who portray to be successful in love, really have only bought into the whole illusion and again, they live in ignorance. I only know one person who is ‘happily’ married, as in they have not ever cheated on each other or have settled (even though they would never see it) for a marriage of convenience of some kind. Everything is a deal (I will stay married to you if you do this that and the other, and if you break that deal I will leave you and sue the arse off you).
If the ‘devil’ is calling you to death, then why isn’t it much easier to do? I honestly think that how suicide is dealt with on this planet is a trick and it has conned us all. Same with mental illness. Why on earth is there no cure for it? Only methods to sedate you or numb the feelings? Apparently, we have a plant growing on this earth for every single ailment we could possible encounter, but they are banned. If someone chooses to try to kill themselves have you seen how the police handle them? I watched The Bridge documentary recently and I noticed that once someone is coaxed off the ledge, they are handcuffed like a criminal. Why? if they have just by their own means, chosen to climb back over, do they need to be handcuffed? They were not violent or trying to run away. It’s all to make people who are suicidal seem bad and to scare other people. Most of the time that person really needs comfort, love and genuine understanding, but instead, we chose to put them into a secure, cold and often hostile unit. So we haven’t even worked out how to deal with them with care??? Nonsense.
Of course, not all suicides are good people. Of course there willÂ be the odd case where a pedophile or rapist or murderer kills themselves, but more often than not, thats’ through fear of prison or the death penalty. I for one, have never in my entire life, when I have heard a news report about a suicide, that it’s from a person confessing to terrible acts, who was not even known to the police and had no chance of being caught soon.Â
It’s just a thought, but something that I feel strongly about. ‘Good’ people cannot survive well here on earth.