Well about two weeks ago was my best friends birthday. He passed away back in 2013.. I miss him so much. We were in a car accident and I can’t believe what I saw.. Dante was driving way over the speed limit and I was asking him to slow down, especially coming around this 30 mph curve. He was going about 80 mph. I was scared and hanging on to the handle above my head. He turned around the curve and just like that smacked into an oncoming semi truck.. When I woke up all I saw was red at first.. Just everywhere. I could barely open my eyes or move. I looked up as much as I could and saw that we were upside down. I looked over at Dante.. And what I saw shattered me.. The front windshield collapsed in on him and pieces were sticking out of his neck and chest.. I am not able to live with the fact that I still feel like its my fault….. Any suggestions..?
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He was driving, not your fault. He ignored your warnings and requests, not your fault.
Though i could suppose that something occurring between you may have contributed to his state of mind, which could have been part of the reason for his recklessness… whatever he may have been reacting to, his reaction was his choice, not yours. Not your fault.
His hands on the wheel, his foot on the accelerator, not yours.
Nothing you can do to change the past. All you can do is decide to find something more appealing to think about, and try not to let traumatic memories control you.
The feelings you’re experiencing are likely due to “Survivors guilt”, pretty self explainatory title. Hopefully you’ll get through the trauma and realize that you were just along for the ride.
Mariah,
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know that with such a tragedy, we can feel guilty just for being involved. Our mind can respond to the emotional pain by ruminating endlessly about what we could have done to prevent the situation and our imagination can go to extremes while we grieve. And the grieving process can last a lifetime. You are certainly doing one of the most beneficial things – talking about how and what you feel. It helps draw you nearer to closure and releases emotional energy that can deepen the pain tremendously if it is kept “bottled up”.
There are support resources for those that have suffered the loss of loved ones – groups can help but they are not for everyone. Sometimes it is far better to seek help from an individual therapist, at least for a short while to help you move through the grief and open the emotional “lock boxes” and release whatever is driving the feelings of guilt or responsibility. Above all, the worst thing to do is to try and push through this alone. You are reaching out by posting here and you are on the right path.
I truly wish you all the spiritual strength that you need right now and I especially hope there will be family, friends, new or otherwise that can embrace you in loving support. Keep moving forward – such personal challenges are overcome by going through them; never overcome by stopping and staying within them.
I wish you all the best. Remember that hope is never a cure, it is the fuel that sustains us through the journey.
Thank you so much. It means a lot to find sanity here in a place like this.