So… I really don’t know where to start or what I’m even meant to say… My head is so full of racing thoughts that I can’t even work out what the thoughts are, they’re just a complete mess. I don’t want this anymore, I don’t want to live like this. I’ve tried so hard to beat it but I can’t fight anymore, I’m pretty sure fighting with your own mind is impossible anyway? I feel like there’s nothing left to do… I just desperately need to end this, I need to hurry up and do it. I just wish that this guilt wouldn’t stop me/ make it so difficult. How could I do it to my partner and family? I know it’s what’s best for myself and everyone else, but how do I make them see that? It can’t get in my way for much longer, this is too painful and I know it has to be done How do I do this?
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Hi there
I registered simply because I could not ignore your post.
Sometimes in life we do experience nothing but pain, loneliness, emptiness, emotional chaos, massive disappointment… I could go on forever, but my point is simple.
There is a place for you in this world. You might not be able to fathom a normal life right now but trust me, from years of living with mental illness, even one day can change your whole perspective, even one kind word can mean enough to give you a reason to go on, a justification for why you should choose to battle through this.
Have you ever tried DBT therapy? Give it a look online and try some mindfulness exercises and find some resources on Distress Tolerance.. The lady who invented the therapy, Marsha Linehan, wrote a manual teaching therapists how to treat people with Borderline Personality Disorder specifically but also for people who experience high levels of emotional pain, racing and uncomfortable thoughts, difficulty in maintaining relationships, feeling like you don’t belong, like you shouldn’t be here…. Many of these symptoms can be eased by the power of your own mind and I urge you to reach out if you haven’t already, and also to check out Dialectical Behavioural Therapy online….
You do have a life worth living. It’s just learning to cope with how you feel and changing those awful, destructive thought patterns that are making you miserable.
Is there something specific right now that is making you hurt so badly, that is making you feel so desperate and scared?
I’m listening… I care xxxx
Yes, thank you for posting about this. I researched about DBT. I think this may have helped my brother if we had known more. I appreciate your thoughts and your perspective.
If your having mental and emotioal problems there are people who can help. FInd a counselor or a psychiatris >youd be surprised how much they can help. I dont know the full picture of what is the route problem you are having. If its gult over something you have done you need to just forgive yourself. try to find soulutions to your problems other then suicide. There is a lot of information in the world right now with the web and books and so forth find some reading material that will help you deal with what is racing throug your mind. Give yourself a NEW start. Try something new that will help out your sitution
Thanks for your replies, it really does mean a lot that there are people out there listening… I was just expecting to have a rant and that be it, so thank you.
I’ve had mental health issues since I was 13… I’m 24 now… Seen psychiatrists etc but I find talking so hard… I just feel like everything I have to say is stupid, embarrassing or pointless… I really do despise myself. I try to talk but I just can’t… It’s so hard. I was told I needed CBT, I was put on a waiting list for a few months and then when the day came they said I wasn’t ready for it, and that I need to deal with past issues. I thought what you mentioned was the same as CBT, but it looks much more interesting (I do need to read a bit more about it though).
I have an issue I haven’t really started speaking about until recently… I posted it on this site a minute ago. I just wish time would stop, it’s so difficult to carry on like this. It’s painful to even consider going on any longer, nothing seems to work. Course I’d love to live if I could just be normal, but I don’t think I’m going to win this fight… If that makes sense?
Like you I find it difficult to open up to a therapist, as you say, things that are important to me seem so stupid as a talk but they remain important afterwards, in the end I just gave up which was perhaps a mistake as some therapists are better than others. I’m sorry you feel the way you do, it’s difficult to want to die or cease to exist when others will be hurt by your actions, it’s like you’re inbetween states, the state of wanting it all to be over once and for all and the state of wanting all the difficulties to go away but remain alive; I hope you can find a way of achieving the later which I also wish for myself, keep trying.