I know she cares and I know she loves me. But it still makes me sad when I try so hard to talk to her and make her happy and make her laugh and she just plain ignores me and plays with her phone, like a kid. It makes my heart hurt.
Just wanted to share that so someone, anyone, in the world knows. I hide too many feelings. I lie too much, mostly to myself.
5 comments
I never really had a mother myself, but that’s okay. That didn’t stop me wanting the love and care that a mother is supposed to provide, but I found that within myself. What other choice did I have? Like you, I lie to myself but on an almost daily basis. Hell… I’m lying to myself right now that I’m going to wake up feeling better tomorrow.
Yeah right now I’m doing the same thing– I’m telling myself “I’ll enjoy work tomorrow and I won’t be anxious and nothing will go wrong”. Such a dumb, stupid lie.
I know how you must feel, as well. My dad took off before I was born; he didn’t even think I was worth knowing. It’s amazing how we can somehow conjure up some extra love and support from within ourselves when one (or two) parents are out of the picture. Must be some sort of inner survival tactic.
Your father was wrong. You are definitely worth knowing. I am sorry to say both your parents are missing out on an exceptional person.
My mother and father divorced when I was 8. My father was distant and was always what wrapped up in his work. Everything had to be precise and correct. He died a couple years ago after a day on the job.
My mother felt we were all she had and constantly fretted about my sister and I. She was always fearing she would lose that which she held most dear. She was also a hard worker and did her best to provide for us on her own, wrecking her back in the process. The clinginess isn’t nearly as bad since she married my stepfather. He is a good man who I think of like a father.
I am a product of both my parents…worrying constantly and with such a need for exactitude and security that both have become compulsive needs.
Lies, damn lies. All of it. Yet that’s what this whole world is founded on. With most of life’s intricacies, some form of trickery is usually involved – that comes from my own personal experiences.
I’m sorry, but your “father” is a fool. I’ve known you the better half of five minutes and I cannot wait to find out more about you. Evidently, it’s his loss, so too bad for that geezer.
It seems ridiculous that we have to make do with love that should’ve been readily available to us as children of “loving” parents, but, ugh… Whatever. For what it’s worth – I hope you do have a good day at work tomorrow and a wonderful day in general. Remember that the important things are always simple: yet the simple things are always hard.
I’d best sign off for now. Good evening to you, Sparkle Dolls, and all the best.
Have you tried telling her that? She might not realize.