My Journey to arriving at sp

Hello world and sp users my name is Akira I am from Nara Japan and just turned 19 in June and would love to express my feelings and what has lead me to choose self extermination. I can just say that this all started when I was 12 living for 3 years to learn English in America where I felt excluded and bullied for not being and thinking similar to everyone at that Jr. High School.

I decided to stay alone and avoid any social relationships even though deep inside since 7 had been a social butterfly in my country but having seen another part of the world opened me up to how cruel and different some people can be. I had fights that I shouldn’t have fought and became more dark as months went by as also family problems that just made me lose hope for recovery and after my short 3 years in America I decided to come back to Nara and study in Osaka my high school education.

In which high school was tough for me and had it’s dedicated studying and meeting friends who are the few I still keep contact with as well in having lost a special girl due to my own insecurities and actions. Soon after all this university arrived in Engineering Electronics and Communications in Tokyo which seemed amazing at first but just ending my second semester things are beginning to get worse in all my life not just academically.

I have become more solitary almost a hermit in my own world seeing everything through a screen and forgetting about my own family and friends. I will say depression has followed me ever since I reached teen years and suicide has been in my mind as an escape from the problems of the world and how I feel as a number in a huge gene pool of mostly sheep ready to be slaughtered by those who decide how we live.

I am grateful of everything I have gotten in my life having read all the tragic stories in sp of child’s being abused and tormented as adults by these thoughts, drug addictions turning into loosing everything and finally what hit me the most people who have lived to old age and having their entire life feel as an entire waste and searching for something to eliminate the pain and loneliness.

I feel fully prepared and will investigate all scenarios considering this is the paper of my life having studied various methods and invested into some necessary Items as well in a far deserted place. I am truly thinking and avoiding emotional decisions to my extermination I do feel calm and connected to people who have similar paths as me and just want recovery so as long as I can have strength and thoughts to share in how I will support everyone as best as I can and hopefully save at least a person from taking a decision without having investigated for themselves if this is the best option.

I just can’t accept seeing good people off themselves and not having spread their ideas and unique work to other individuals who might also need support. I was always demanded to be the highest academically and in other aspects but as I reached various conclusions and knowledge of what future lies ahead in the corporate world in Japan I just don’t want that life but I fill find alternatives and plan to develop my skills to not just be seen as a number but an actual person with great skills to help out those in need.

I will see how much long I can advance in my life I already beat 6 years of suicidal thoughts for everyday and would love to see what I can do in the time I plan to have left, well In the meanwhile I decide to share my experiences as I grow wiser ????(*^-?)/~Bye-Bye? happy to be with everyone here.