i wish it was all over

i rememeber the first mornin wen i woke up from getting of that plane, i was crying, shaking, dissrrientated. i had just flown from my home to another country, leavin my friends my familys, my life, to start over agaun. i didnt wana go i wanted to stay but i couldnt. wen i came i started using drugs, but that fuked up my mum, she got depression and ended up into hospital numerous time, so did my friend, she had an eating disorder and tried suicide numerous times. i found this so hard to deal and i wanted to die to, but i couldnt, i ran awway so many times, i felt alone, and hated not being loved. i cut myself as it makes me feel like im not dead, and i am alive. i guess thats twisted but its wake up call. one day i hope that i have the guts to die because now my parents have split up, i cant handle n e thin else… one more thing to go wrong and ill die, my rope has started to wear thin and it take a tiny push and it snaps…
love hannah