life and trials

Hello my name is andrew and Iam writing this because Iam at a crossroad in my life on weather to live or die. through out my child I was raped by adults and some of them are family but some how I made it through even if I block out the pain I tred to kill myself onces and did not get my wish but I here today still dealing with the pain of my life Iam considering it again but something keeps telling me you will regret it I don’t no where to go in my life I feel as if my very soul is already gone. and all that left now is a hurt man with no one to turn to . I have a girlfriend and a grandma but they think I need a anti depression but I been on pills before and that made me feel even worst so were do i go?who do i see? those are questions I ask all my life with the world steady judging me and pointing I feel its better if i wasn’t here so that the world couldn’t point the finger any more. one thing Ive learn is that no one in this worlds cares about your problems and a cruel world and some how i wish i could stop it with my power but in any case I don’t have that power . all I have is myself and try to find things that keep me happy to keep me from doing this awful thing. I have friends but there no help , its as if I solve everyone else problems but not my own well I don’t know what well happen but Ill try to write more to express my pain so you know your not alone, will i be here again ??? pray and will find out