Dunno what to say… I guess, the only reason why i’m writing this, is that the ppl that surround me… dont understand… or tell me “dont say such things”.
I know that talking about it.. isnt going to change anything… I guess I just need to say some things… explain what I feel.. what I live with… and why I’m tired of it.
First off… I’ve tried a few times to end it….
Either.. I failed.. or was interrupted…
I’ve tried medications… “self- medications” (aka drugs/booze)… I’ve pressured myself to commitments with people… and now.. i just give up.
I have a hard time concentrating… My mind is flooded with thoughts of how.. trying to come up with the perfect way… One that I wont burden others with a messy clean up…
I’ve come to a point in my life.. where I really dont want to venture forward… its pretty pointless when it worthless…
I have things in my life that are supposed to make people happy… dunno it doesnt work for me…
I know the “love of my life” and the soul reason why i’m still here is starting to grow tired of me… I wonder how much longer before he moves on.. so I wont feel the guilt of leaving him behind… I know it would be better for him as well.. but, I dont want to leave him to deal with everything i leave behind.. He gets angry at me… and i know that i sadden him… In the end.. i still think he’s better off without me, cause he deserves a happy life.
I’ve already seperated myself from my family… my friends… that was easy…
Everynight I pray I wont wake up in the morning, which I kinda find amusing, since I dont believe in God…. maybe its not really praying.. but rather wishing…
I’ve prolly done this for over 20 years… im only 35… but for as long as I can remember… this is a nightly ritual that I’ve had for ages and ages.
Umm… When I started this… there was so much that i thought i would say… but… i guess im so used to keeping the “flood” of thoughts that race thru my mind.. private still…
-.-
8 comments
I cannot comment and try to help without knowing why you feel you deserve to die?
Deserve to die? You make it sound like death is a priviledge…
Its not.. everyone dies.. sooner or later… its the only thing in life that is guarenteed.
Lost-N-Lonely, get over yourself please. I did not make it sound anyway, you just choose to read it that way. I was asking why the person is thinking of ending his life.
I know you probably don’t want advise or anything from just some 16 year old kid… not that I have advice… Just wanna talk I guess… My e-mail is psycolawton@yahoo.com if you wanted to talk to me there
i was the orginal poster…
Lost-N-Lonely, do not take the poster “Any”‘s comments personally. You are hurt and sad, this person is telling you to get over yourself. “Any” also left a negative posting on my posting. “Any” needs to move on. This person is not even suicidal and just wants to push others to do it, obviously. I’m very sorry that “Any” told you to “get over yourself” when you’re hurting so much.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way and you feel like no one can even begin to understand you. I’m only 16 but I’ve already been down a horrible road and I’m wise beyond my years. If you feel you need to talk to someone, I’ll do whatever I can. That’s the only way I can not focus on what’s wrong with me. my email is flag_chick08@yahoo.com
Brook I think ‘Any’ was just asking the original poster why they want to die, as their original post never states it. I would bet ‘Any’ could not tell that the ‘Lost-and-lonely’ was the original poster, as there is nothing to link either. When ‘Any’ stated to “get over their self” they were replying to the 2nd comment, and at that point could not tell that was the original poster. All that seems obvious to any person who reads those comments.
Now, original Poster, why do you want to kill yourself? Give more details so people can help instead of people coming in here just to insult others due to imagined slights.