no friends wiv just a glimpse of hope

i dont have many friends, i have a few friends that i talk to at school but i cant really rely on them, theirs only 2 friend in my life that i can acctually talk to about things and trust they wont tell any one, but i only see one of them at school and the other 1 dont see i just talk to her on msn now and again but thats it and her life is fucked up her step dad kicked her out theirs no room at her mums so she’s staying at her sisters but her sister only lets her stay their if she luks after her kids and if she says no she gets puched, her sisters boyfriend abuses her aswell i’v told her to go to the police but she says she to scared, its agonysing to see her going through this she her self is suicidal because of it all but she has never tried she has only self harmed unlike stupid me, i know its not normal to be suicidal but when you got raped in your own room while your mum was down stairs high on watever she was takin, with no1 to talk to its hard to be normal, i sit at home in my room everyday on my laptop looking help but their isnt enough help online, their are only phone lines but i dont like talking i prefer talkin online. my mum thinks everythings fine but its not i hate my life the only hope i have is my mums happiness and i know if i kill myself she isnt going to be happy, she’l think its her fault but its not, and my nan and grandad have been through enough it would probibly distroy them but if life gets any worse then its the only sollution to end it all
                                                                                      .:’;’
                                                                              (|”’    o-|-< game over)
                                                                                     ‘:.:;
even though its not a happy ending it would be better than it is now fucked up, not even my teachers understand they all just say that i must of done something to deserve it but i didnt did i?