Sometimes . . . .

May 10th, 2009by vardas

I just don’t understand people.  It’s like everyone else got some guidebook to human behavior and my copy got lost in the mail.  Maybe I’m a cynic, but god, it’s just easier to assume the worst of people than expect the best and end up disappointed.  My closest friend is moving in a few months, to a city four hours away.  I know I should spend the time with her now while she’s here, but I . . . can’t.  Every time I talk to her I just end up lost somewhere between crying and absolute detachment.  I’m treating her like she’s already gone; it’s hurting her and not helping me, but I don’t know how to stop.  I miss her and she hasn’t left yet.  I’m happy for her — damn it, I will be — but the transition is hell.  I never thought she’d go, and I let myself get too attached.  So now I’m pushing anyone who matters, because if Cassy can go (leave me . .) so can will everyone else.  A friend from work asked if I was okay and I snapped at him, “What the hell do you care?”  and I don’t believe him when he says he just does.  I want to, I want to believe people just care for no reason at all.  But they don’t, and it hurts too much to believe.

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