I just ate something that I really don’t feel like throwing up. I’m just sitting here, not knowing what to do. And its not just for the moment. It’s not knowing what to do with my life. Who says I can’t play God with my own life? Nobody. I already have a huge bag full of aspirin in my room. I have a bottle of soda too. I know it probably won’t work like the two other times I tried it, and I will just silently throw up my guts in the bathroom while everyone is sleeping.
I read the one comment I got on my other post. It told me not to feel sorry for myself. Good advice. But, what you all need to realize is that I don’t feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for everyone else. I’m not stuck in here with them, they’re stuck in here with me. Everyone else is so much better than me and doesn’t even know it. Hell, even my douchebag of a brother is better than me. Why? Because he is some of the dirtiest scum on earth I have ever seen… but at the end of the day he can look at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees. He’s happy. He can live with himself while I struggle to even write this post because I re-write every other sentence, thinking that what I’m saying is redundant and that if anyone will read this let alone care about it. They will probably tell me to shut up and stop feeling sorry for myself. Well, I’m sorry to you all for having to pretend to care about all the shit I write and complain about. Real sorry.
You know, before all of my suicide attempts, I had this baseline to this song stuck in my head. It would play whenever I would get sad or would feel depressed. And before all of my attempts, it was like it was blasting inside my head with an amplifier. Don’t know how that relates to the post, just felt like writing it.
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Sincerely,
Peaches
4 comments
Hey, im sorry about the way you feel. I’m writing to try and comfort you. im not a retarded old shit bag adult trying to yell at you. im 12. and id like to say, boy or girl no matter what you are a beautiful amazing person, and im suicidal also, no one ever reassures me but ill help you. You deserve to be alive fuck the rest and go for yourself be strong and try very hard to stay postitive. and remember that there will always be a person out there loving you wishing so badly to be with you forevr, you just gotta remeber that. And just for me, next time you look in the mirror stand up straight, look rite into your eyes and tell your self your beautiful and worth the world. Bye, best of luck. (: <3 STAY STRONG!!
well jessica that was beautiful, and i hope you both believe what she said, we all have a purpose in life, both of you do too, so both of you stay strong, and try to live life to its fullest jessica i already told peaches this but if you ever need someone to talk to im always available for anyone in need at onangam_divad@yahoo.com
I am sorry I misunderstood about the feeling sorry for yourself. I assumed, and I was very wrong. But you are so young. You have so much to live for. I do care, and I am not pretending because I know what it feels like to want to die. There is a better option. And if I can help someone else like some of the people helped me then that gives me the greatest pleasure in life. It makes me feel worthy. Find something that will change your life for the better. Whether that be moving to a friends house. Getting new clothes. Getting a job, you just have to find something that will show you it isn’t all bad. I honestly am not one of those matured people trying to tell you you’re pathetic, I am eighteen and I am just trying to show you that it can happen.
I made this site http://www.itdoesgetbetter.webs.com/ it’s a little undercontrustion and probably not that good…. but if you want to talk or just read it…. I don’t know something like that… have a look. But I sincerely hope your life works out. YOU’RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE.
hi ummm im just here to say i feel just like u i mean ive done suicide attempts to like over dose of pain killers and asprin together @ school and at home like 2 time s and ive learned nothing from it but i needed a bit more pills and i just wanted to let you know that i feel the EXACT same way i have apsolutly no frends im in 7TH grade bout to go to eigth and the school i go to made me the way i am i mean i never use to have deprssion anxiety or use to self injure now i cant stop and every time i see some 1 happi i get so sad that there like happi while im just an out cast and have no body AT all to comfort me im a girl and i hate mylife i wish i could like it but i cant i wish i had friends but i dont i BLAME myself but i dont no whos fault it is evry body in my familys happy except for me i still try to kill myself alot but im still here my dad always says im the only 1 that wanted u so u should be happy to be here so how come im not i wish i wasnt here and some 1 else that wants to could because im realli taking up space its not always a happy ENDING.
sincerely
i hate me