alright, this is my first post…..
i just found about this site a few minutes ago
i googled ‘suicide’ and this is it.
i’ll try and make it straight and plain.
i just don’t feel like anything matters. yes, i try my best and i am a good student and i always try to be a good friend. but there’s always been this thought inside my head, everytime i close my eyes or try to sleep, the thought “i don’t belong here. i don’t want to be here anymore.”
To try and describe the way i feel, i’m hysterically crying and i can’t stop thinking about those thoughts. I recognize as well that while sitting there crying, there’s no one there to my rescue. because the one person who was there before, said that he needed time to himself, and that he does so much for me and i never do anything for him.
so i’m scared if i tell him, he’ll just get mad at me and leave me, but it honestly doesn’t matter cause i already feel alone anyways.
i really don’t understand these feelings but when they come on i can’t stop them anymore. I don’t want to be cared for, or congratulated, or told that i have so much to live for, cause to me everything just feels like nothing now and it won’t go away. In public, i’m usually a happy person, but then when concealed i find myself bawling my eyes out. i really don’t want this, this thing called life, is just not for me.
I don’t care if i succeed, or if i’m loved anymore. Everything just feels so empty.
3 comments
Keep going, I was like you a few months ago but things do get better I promise. It’s hard to describe but feelings like this won’t last forever….I know that’s easy for me to say without knowing your situation but things do tend to get better. Sorry I can’t be any more help but just please take every day as it comes, and keep going… 🙂
I completely understand because I feel the same way. I mean I have good and bad things in my life and no matter what I just feel empty and I just cry and cry and I can’t stop. My advice is to keep going on like Archie says, keep ranting on here (it helps me!), talk to a friend, talk to a therapist, or just go do something for you that makes YOU happy! Not sure if any of these would work but many of them have helped me somewhat. Just know we are here to listen and to talk if you ever need to talk.
I recognize as well that while sitting there crying, there’s no one there to my rescue. because the one person who was there before, said that he needed time to himself, and that he does so much for me and i never do anything for him.
We all need someone to ‘come to our rescue’. When you have someone like that, and then they’re suddenly not there, it can be a frightening feeling. Humans are not meant to be alone.
You counted on this person to be there for you, and now he’s not. That’s incredibly painful for most people. And if you don’t have other friends you can turn to when this happens, then there’s nowhere for the feelings to go. You try to put on a good face in public, but the hurt feelings still need to come out, and having to pretend you’re ‘fine’ when you’re not makes it even worse when you finally get to be alone and you can cry. Sometimes it seems like it will never stop.
Ask your friends if you can talk to them, tell someone you trust that you’re having a rough time and really just need someone to talk to.
See if you can get some hugs from your friends or family, that makes all the difference in the world. I’m always surprised by how often if I ask for a hug, people are quite happy to give me one.
It doesn’t replace having that one main person in your life, but it can help make you feel better.
It’s also good to have other people to turn to so that you’re not always going to that one same person when you’re in trouble. Kind of like not putting all your eggs in one basket.