I live my everyday with a six year old who tells me she hates me, that I disgust her and tells me how to run the household. Sounds pretty normal for dysfunction aside from the spitting, kicking, biting, screaming and rage she throws along with it. You think she sounds defiant well that doesn’t even skim the surface, this has been going on for years and I’m exhausted and just tapped out. I promised myself I would never scream at my child or spank her because I had that from my father growing up and it had lasting effects. Nothing works with her, and I have resorted to screaming back at her because this is the only way I can literally get her attention. She does not have ADD or ADHD. We’ve tried absolutely everything but nothing phases her. I hate myself because I’m no better than my father. I’m such a laid back person, and normally I’m really fun to be around. I hate fighting and all my daughter wants to do is fight. There is nothing left of me or who I used to be. My own child hates me and probably wishes I were dead everytime she says it. I just don’t understand because I show and give her so much love. I always tell myself when she says she hates me that it’s ok I have enough love for the both of us. But everytime she says it now a piece of my heart dies, and there’s really not much left. I know parenting is work, I’ve been involved with many children in my life but isn’t there still supposed to be fun? I dread waking up every morning, and most of the time fantasize about how great it would be if I didn’t. I often wonder if life for my daughter would be better if I wasn’t here. Obviously it would be devastating now, but in the long run wouldn’t she be better off than if I were to stay? I’m just an empty soul, there’s no life left in me to live anymore anyway. I’m a realist. If I have to take a pill to convince myself life is great then who’s really fooling who? Maybe this is the afterlife and I’m serving a sentence in hell. I’m sorry if I dragged anyone down, I do realize some people on this earth are still happy, I just really needed to get that out.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
6 comments
sadmommy,
I saw on tv, a series about a lady home-visiting teaching the parents to have their children to behave correctly.
And those methods are quite well.
Spend some of your time through learning that, I don’t know if videos are available or not in stores.
tv.com/supernanny/show/28836/summary.html?tag=related_shows;img
(that is the nanny I saw, paste it with the necessary letters and www at front)
tv.com/take-home-nanny/show/75971/summary.html
I’m sure you can get benefits from that. There are techniques about teaching children.
And you have the responsibility to learn it.
If you have further questions, I’d be happy to help.
Hi I dont know how old your post is but I pray your doing better and have had some progress in your situation. I will post a comment but I hope I can write it with out you thinking it something negative. I truely dont want you to feel this way and really pray you have found help and no longer feel alone. My comment is that I feel a 6 yr old should not be in control of your life or your home and changes have to radically be made so that is not the case. I once babysitted a child who I was told was hopeless and uncontrollable but in the time that child was with me the temper tantrum stopped and the child obeyed me. I dont think I had magic but I did love children …I having been neglected so much as a child myself. I dont have any magical words just a suggestion. Create a flexible routine at home. Remove all stimulus TV Radio music, toys, video games. Organize your child room deglutter it and create a simply envioronment . Organize toys in clear boxes and only allow them out when its play time . There should be a set dinner time , play time, etc. However , manipulative statements should be left out like if you dont do this your will not have this type statement Instead it should be an enviornment of love and warmth. Reinforce the importance of play time and when it time to sleep and why you have a time when you have to work and she has to work. Remind the child that by sticking to a routine (in simple speech) that it allows you to spend quality time together. Show her what quality times means. Take vacation time to restart this program start of your morning with breakfast. Then go to the park and play. .Try to remove video games since this only internalize a child right now you need her to hear you see your talk to you. So find activities where this is possible. Restrict TV time to a time where you can watch something together. If the TV is never on and you suddenly say lets watch a movie together. Find good qualities stories she can see. That teach and offer a chance to talk about life. Reading rainbow used to play a lot of those type stories and I used to copy it . Dont know what out there but I would not choose things like sponge bob . I talking about quality stories that will offer personal growth You may have to do a little research to find those movies. Or go library and borrow them. The Idea is that with time your child will see your involvement with her and will learn that your reliable and will be there for her so if she waits till its play time she will be rewarded with a fun time with mom but you have to make her see that with consistancy on your part. Learn your childs dislikes and likes . Dont talk at her but with her about how she feels . If she says she hates you respond back I love you. Do not reward bad behavior with attention. Reward good behavior with attention. Your child may be misbehaving because she get your attention during bad behavior she is getting a reaction out of you and hence controlling you. Regain your home by dicipline keep it simple . Say no when appropriate and dont give in . However that has to be mixed in with plenty of time you give that child one to one. By doing things she likes together. When your totally give attention during the times you have set for those activities she will see the consistancy and begin to trust you. If you stick to the routines and are really into it with your child she will begin to learn that reading time is at bed time for example and cherish that time. Going to the park is this day. Playing games together on this day etc… Start of by removing all stimulus from your child room since your child is out of control then introduce one item at a time only during the time you set to spend with her. You cant do activites where you give a a coloring book and leave the room to go work. No give her a coloring book and say now is coloring time and I will color with you. What is your favorite color. What types of things to you like to color. ect. In this way your child feels your involvement and you begin to learn her likes and dislikes. Use your time effectively . Have time set for play time. when you have to clean involve her in the chore. Wash cloths together. Separate cloths in laundry and have her put all whites together all colors together but try to make it fun and a learning experience not like a horrible chore. Make her laugh by making funny face when cloths are stinky make it a game and say lets see which cloths stink the most or something silly the idea is that the chore serve as any time spent together . If you just clean cloths and you dont pay her any mind and ignore her as you do the chore she will hate the chore. I had to clean walls once so I bought my son a water gun and had him spray the area I was cleaning with the soapy water where I had to clean . That was fun for him and I got the job done with his help. We laughed a lot , dont get upset if things get a little messy or the jobs not perfect the idea is to work together like a team and for the child to receive praise for the effort. I the child initial is misbehaving simply remove the device and place child in time out in there room till the can be a better team player but be consistant about that. It may take longer to clean this way but the child had fun and was happy doing a chore. Read kids magazine and find stuff you can do together . However you must first clean house and remove stuff , create diciplined time of activities and stick to it. Be involved with your heart in all things you do together , if she has a tantrum ignore it . Dont respond back in anger just say no and let her cry but dont give in but that has to be backed up with time you fully give her attention and love so she can begin to see the difference. I am not very concise when writing but I hope the basic idea came across and I pray you make the changes so you and your child can grow together . When I was most alone I sought God in prayer…..I hope and pray he gives you strength to acheive ths goal with your child a retake you place a a parent and remove your child controlling behaviors….. dont stay alone seek out support in a mothers group etc, if time is an issue start of reading mother magazine for ideas of activities they also cover many topics and issues you face .God bless and I send a big hug
Thanks for the advice. Lol I watch nanny jo all the time, I’ve submerged myself in self help books tried numerous methods, techniques nothing works. Therapy hasn’t worked either. Trust me I’ve been working hard.I know my responsibility as a parent. That’s the part that’s so frusturating, is I am working really hard and nothing is coming from it. I do appreciate you taking the time to message me to try to help. Thanks.
Hey sadmommy, I agree with the supernanny thing. Just thinking abt some of the things u wrote.
“My own child hates me and probably wishes I were dead everytime she says it.”: and u said about all the fighting and stuff. But the thing is, I mean, the day I start listening so heavily to the opinions of 6 yr olds, my child or otherwise, is the day pigs fly. I mean that’s what the definition of children are, they usually can’t tell right from wrong and they act very immature because that’s just how they are. Don’t let her get to u like that.
Over here, my generation, the spanking, caning, sometimes whipping, is very common. And people grow up very normal, they don’t resent such things so long as they can tell it was done for discipline and not sadistic pleasure. So, actually, I don’t really see what’s the big deal about it.
I think u’ll do just fine.
sadmommy,
of what you said, I now shift the concentration to the kid.
do you worship any gods, or ancestors at home? Any myterious forces you
will think of?
When did your child start to behave like this?
Any big change, new school, house? Daddy’s girl friend? Mommy’s boyfriend? Any life or death situations? Or after a big flu?
?insect bites? Cat? Mice? Any big shock? plants in room?
Stool everyday?How does the child look apart from the others? Getting along well? including adults and children? What’s his favorites, of food, of toys,of tv programme, of persons?
What’s the daily food?
Or feeling deserted in the daily care centre?
Have you ever broken a promise to her?
Have you asked his reasons of hating you?
I just want to say that whatever it is you’re doing right now, don’t see it as “making mistakes”, see it as “doing things the best way you know how, until you know of a better way to do them” and hopefully that will take some of the dread and pressure away from being the ‘perfect’ mom. You wanted to be kind, and I think that’s a great motivation. You’re even looking for other ways to handle the situation. I’ve spent time a few moments with unruly children and often wondered how parents spent a longer time with them. Hats off to you, I think you’re a wonderful person, good luck.