It’s been a while…

Dear friend
You’re in a lot of pain because people around you who are supposed to care about you apparantly don’t, or apparantly do but aren’t listening to how you feel.
You are who you are and you should be proud. What other people think about you isn’t going to govern your life.
You are.
You need to build up your self esteem because it is seriously low. Sounds stupid,, but find something that you enjoy doing and join a club, or go out and just try to find new people. There are a lot of other lonely people out there who need friends too. And if you think you can’t speak to those around you, try speaking to a helpline or anything like that, just so someone listens. You’ll feel a lot better if you know someone has listened to you and hasn’t judged you.
You’re not alone in the world, I promise you that. I don’t judge you bad or worthless and I don’t think anyone else on this site will.
All easier said than done, I know. But it’s better to try than to not.
You’re not worthless or bad or stupid. You’re you, and that’s all that matters.
All my love, Jack. xx

From my point of view, there’s nothing ‘wrong with you’ – you just don’t have the kind of people in your life that you need.

I’ve been there myself – asked for help and got nothing, and then felt ashamed because there must be something wrong with me if nobody will help me, right?

Wrong. People are selfish and stupid and often have no clue what you’re talking about because they’ve never been there. People’s imaginations are really not that good. They pretty much can only ‘get’ something if they’ve experienced it first hand.

I still think the cutting is about trying to let all those painful feelings out – the shame, anger, rage, humiliation at feeling so stuck in this place in your life and not being able to change anything. It’s like being trapped in a cage. Or at least that’s how I feel it in my own life.

I still think anger is the answer. Anger is our claws and teeth, anger is what powers us to break out of the cage. People who deny that our anger is real and valid are self-centered, clueless assholes. (in my opinion).

It basically all comes down to power: How much power do you (or I, or anybody) have to get what we want and need from life? The more power you have to control your life, the better you feel. The less power you have, the worse you feel.

So you either have to change your circumstances, namely, be around people who don’t make you feel so powerless, or you have to figure out some way to become more powerful – make more money, become more beautiful, become more persuasive, or maybe even something as simple as lifting weights or taking a karate class.

I’ve though about all these things, I think about them every day. I have a little more freedom than you because I’m a lot older and I live on my own. But I still have my struggles – living alone is really expensive, and keeping it going can be hard.

But anyway. I hope you find a way to stand up for yourself or speak out or something.

I also think it really sucks how rude your mom is being to you, I wish you could find a way to get through to her how much she’s hurting you with the way she treats you.