My final days

  November 2nd, 2009 by Daniel21

Im a 14 year old guy and have been depressed for 6 years. I cut, i had’nt eaten in a week until my parents forced me 2 last night(no i am not anarexic, i am just not hungry anymore), i only sleep wen i pass out from exaustion and i wake up every few minutes because of sum very fucked up nightmares, and i am starting 2 hallucinate things. I have missed school for months at a time because i have been way 2 depressed 2 even go there, and the only way that i got out of school 4 so long is because i lied and made it sound like i had IBS. Although in just a few hours my parents r forcin me 2 take sum IBS tests and i no that it will show no trace of IBS and my parents will wunder wut the hell is goin on. And chances are my parents will kill me because they will find out that i have been missin school cuz i am depressed(they care bout my education way 2 much). And i cant even function anymore, i am always 2 busy thinkin bout killin myself. I am on a homeschool program until after christmas break and wen i wuz takin a test at my home i couldent even figure out wut 3+2 is.I no that i have been postin a lot for these last couple of days and i am really sorry, but i just really need 2 talk 2 sumone bout wut is happenin 2 me. I cant talk 2 my parents, teachers, school counselor, or go 2 see a saicaiatrist for many reasons.

Anyways i wuz actually gunna 2 kill myself yesterday and i wuz just talkin 2 my friend that i had told bout my depression a couple weeks ago and i mentioned that i wuz gunna finally kill myself. She kept on tellin me not 2 kill myself and 2 get help and i really dont no where 2 go. She told me that if i dont at least try 2 get help than she is gunna tell my parents bout wut is happenin 2 me. I promised her that i would try 2 keep on livin 4 a few mor days but i will probably end up killin myeslf in the end. I am not sure if she is gunna tell my parents, but if she does only 2 things can happen: My parents will either kill me or i will be sent to a psycho ward and be locked up there and be drugged till i get better(and i doubt i can ever get better).

My life is just hell now, i cant even do the simplest of things anymore and all i do all day is sit in a dark room thinking bout killing myself. I am also gettin a really bad temper, and i am afraid that i am gunna hurt sumone cuz of it. The way i see it is that almost everyone will be better of if i am dead. My parents can get outta debt and  i wont ever be able 2 hurt anyone. There will be 2 or 3 of my friends that would actually miss me, but i hope that they can understand. I already made a suicide note, so all i gotta do is say goodbye 2 those few people that would actually miss me and then i can put myself out of my misery. I just want my life 2 be over so fuckin bad.

If u can help or just talk 2 me my e-mail is Daniel56843@yahoo.com

Processing your request, Please wait....