My dream

I have a recurring dream where I’m arguing with her again. It’s night. She is driving. She won’t listen. You speak louder. I feel choked by her words. You clear your head. She won’t stop. Assert yourself, make it stop. I can’t breathe. Take a deep breathe. I start screaming. Gather yourself and speak calmly. She won’t stop. Make her stop. I need to get away. Stay and resolve it. I open the door and jump out of the moving car. Turn back around and face your demons. I am clipped by another passing car. Stay away from dangerous situations. Neither car stops. Make yourself known. I’m bleeding. Heal yourself. I can’t breathe. Breathe out slowly. My ribs are broken. Grit your teeth and pull through. Pain. Love. Cars keep whipping by. You need to talk to someone. I hide my eyes from their headlights. Uncover them and decide what you’re going to do. They honk at me. Ignore the negativity. I’m in their way. People want to help you. Nobody stops to help. They need you to ask again. I’m ashamed for looking weak. It takes strength to be vulnerable. I need to get away. You need someone now, more than ever. I crawl off the road and into the woods. Do not seclude yourself. I hide in the thick brush, wrapping myself in the tangled braches. Comfort is not too far away. It’s raining hard. Take time to dance in the rain. I can see my breath. You are alive. It’s cold. Hug yourself. I can’t see. Open your eyes. It’s dark. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m alone. There’s a whole world ahead of you. I think I would be safe if I could get home to my mom. Your mother misses you. Then I remember that home was never safe. Make it safe. Home is just a dream. Dreams can come true. There is no way for me to get there. Not if you don’t try. I’m shivering. You’ll be fine. I pull up the hood of my jumper to try and stay warm. You care for yourself. It’s soaked. Look for a safer place. Water pours down my back. There’s good in every situation. I can’t stop shaking. Take a minute to relax. I have a phone. Talk to someone. I call her and try to explain why it hurts so bad. Don’t stop until she understands. She talks over me and tells me I have no reason to feel the way I do. She doesn’t realize the pain yet. She can’t hear me. Scream louder. My phone dies. Find a way. It’s so cold. Be strong. I’m dying. You’ll make it through this. My chest hurts. Open up your heart to hope. I feel my broken ribs stabbing my insides. The past doesn’t make you. I can’t breathe. Slowly breathe in and out. I’m so cold. Take my hand then. I lay down in the wet leaves. The world welcomes you. It’s so dark. See the stars light up the sky. I can’t breathe. Open up to everything around you. It hurts so much. I care for you. I die alone. You’re never alone. This is the safest I’ve ever felt. You haven’t let yourself live yet. I want to die. Continue to search for happiness.