I have a recurring dream where Iâ€™m arguing with her again. Itâ€™s night. She is driving. She wonâ€™t listen. I feel choked by her words. She wonâ€™t stop. I canâ€™t breathe. I start screaming. She wonâ€™t stop. I need to get away. I open the door and jump out of the moving car. I am clipped by another passing car. Neither car stops. Iâ€™m bleeding. I canâ€™t breathe. My ribs are broken. Pain. Cars keep whipping by. I hide my eyes from their headlights. They honk at me. Iâ€™m in their way. Nobody stops to help. Iâ€™m ashamed for looking weak. I need to get away. I crawl off the road and into the woods. I hide in the thick brush, wrapping myself in the tangled braches. Itâ€™s raining hard. I can see my breath. Itâ€™s cold. I canâ€™t see. Itâ€™s dark. Iâ€™m alone. I think I would be safe if I could get home to my mom. Then I remember that home was never safe. HomeÂ is just a dream. There is no way for me to get there. Iâ€™m shivering. I pull up the hood of my jumper to try and stay warm. Itâ€™s soaked. Water pours down my back. I canâ€™t stop shaking. I have a phone. I call her and try to explain why it hurts so bad. She talks over me and tells me I have no reason to feel the way I do. She canâ€™t hear me. My phone dies. Itâ€™s so cold. Iâ€™m dying. My chest hurts. I feel my broken ribs stabbing my insides. I canâ€™t breathe. Iâ€™m so cold. I lay down in the wet leaves. Itâ€™s so dark. I canâ€™t breathe.Â It hurts so much.Â I die alone. This is the safest Iâ€™ve ever felt. I want to die.