I will be 38 this year.Â It appears to be that there is nothing to look forward to except death. I’m suffocating from the loneliness. I don’t have the money to improve my appearance to what men want. I’m black and ugly, and stupid and nothing will ever change that. I’m getting to the end of retaining new information without losing something else. I hate being born to die. I hate that I place my self worth in the hands of others.Why do I let the marketers get to me? For now I’m chicken shit but one day I think I’ll be able to get the charcoal and get the job done. I’ll die from old age maybe, but never loved.This world is cruel what is the point of being alive?