I haven’t been here in a while. Today is tough for some strange illogical and unknown reasons. I’m depressed today but I’m experienced enough to know that not every day will be like this. Just keep breathing and existing.
Still breathing, yet increasingly there seems to be less of a reason to exist ( I won’t say live, because I don’t consider myself living.)
I’m existing. For now.
If Black=ugly and tall=ugly and ugly= no value or worth, then why live? I don’t understand the reason for my existence other than sole purpose to be grateful they aren’t me. I haven’t managed to kill myself because i still fear the physical pain that must happen before the end. The pain of being alive still isn’t strong enough to make me go through it.
38+ years without hope. How much longer must I endure this pain?
breathing black ugly female human without hope. I’m not sure how to continue. Whatever coping mechanisms I have are dwindling. I try toÂ fake it being the happy ******, making everyone laugh. Hello Rope, Goodbye life.
It’s me the black and ugly California woman. Today is my 38th birthday. I received my official layoff notice last week. I think death is the best way to celebrate since I have no hope for the future. Can I get through another day?IDK suicide just seems like the only choice to end the pain of loneliness. Suicide is just a quick way to get to my inevitable future death.
I’ll be 38 yrs old soon. Tonight the pull is strong. I wonder if I’ll make it. I’m losing hope again. How could the future possibly get better? I don’t want to be remembered for killing myself because I’m black and ugly.I wish I didn’t wish and daydream of a better life all the time. I know beauty doesn’t guarantee love. Is that trite ass shit about loving yourself true? tell me your thoughts
I will be 38 this year.Â It appears to be that there is nothing to look forward to except death. I’m suffocating from the loneliness. I don’t have the money to improve my appearance to what men want. I’m black and ugly, and stupid and nothing will ever change that. I’m getting to the end of retaining new information without losing something else. I hate being born to die. I hate that I place my self worth in the hands of others.Why do I let the marketers get to me? For now I’m chicken shit but one day I think I’ll be able to get the charcoal and get the job done. I’ll die from old age maybe, but never loved.This world is cruel what is the point of being alive?