38th Birthday is a good day to die

To — I’ll call you Caligirl — you’re not “chicken.” Maybe you’re just not willing to give up on life yet. Because as awful and mean as things can be at times, you *must* remember times of real genuine joy. Maybe it was a day when the sky was an impossibly clear spotless blue sky… I can’t know what your life has been like or is, but I *know* that life is worth living… if only to keep holding out, one day at a time, until things get better.
I hope this doesn’t sound too ridiculous & cheesy, but what makes me feel better when I feel useless (and/or lonely) is when I focus on other people — do things for other people. It can be just one little thing. I offered an old lady a ride at the grocery store last week (she was waiting outside when I went in, and when I was finished, she was still waiting… so i asked if she needed a ride. You’d think I just told her she’d won a a million dollars.) In the past, I’ve volunteered… sometimes making a commitment, sometimes sort of randomly, like bringing my dog to a nearby long-term care place to visit with the old folks.
OK, so that *does* sound like I’m little miss sunshine. Hope you’re not gagging. Maybe you’re laughing. That’s good! I don’t know you, but consider just one day at a time. Think about the “next right thing…” don’t think about all the sucky stuff (bills piling up, or nasty people, etc.) Just think about the *next right thing* (I know a few recovering alcoholics, and attended meetings with a friend for awhile. This is some of their wisdom.) I wrote a long comment to someone else yesterday about my own experiences — trying twice to kill myself when I was 16; I’m 52 now. Things can get better. I feel passionately about this now, especially, because a 19-yr-old boy we know took his life in February. It’s such an awful waste. I’m sure he was just in a lot of pain and couldn’t see any other way out… *There are good things down the road girl. Just don’t stop walking.*