Today I woke up feeling okay, I thought it might finally be a normal day. The sky outside, looked like it wouldn’t rain…But then as I looked a second time, the whole world turned to grey.
As if my very gaze polluted it, I can’t let myself be happy, can I? Should I, if I am so broken, be allowed to walk. I will step on the shards of broken glass that fall from my eyes to the floor in front of me. And when I slip and cut myself on them, I will watch my blood bleed..
Out onto the carpets that I was supposed to vacuum, out onto the hardwood floor, that wasn’t shining like it should.
Out into this world, my trail of blood will run. Creating a street that I will follow on my own time. It will pick its way through cities, full of people who hate me.
Meander its way around the corners of a thousand little shops, passing by the people who don’t have to suffer. Are they special? Am I?
I don’t know the answers, my blood will spell out in the street. It will cry its own tears, wishing for release. But like me it won’t be able to pluck up the courage to die, it’ll keep on rolling, and I will continue to cry.
No one will love it, and it will go alone. No one will whisper sweet condescending words. No one will comfort it and it will grow cold, until soon it is too ugly to love.
4 comments
Loved the poem. I wrote this today, it’s pretty much the ramblings of a drunk madman, which I suppose I’m rather partial to in a Baudelairian sort of way….
This is my letter to humanity the hu man is me witch nailed me and derailed me from this century of successful status,
map this territory spot keep it contour blind throw it at us fine so I exit,
it was all the meth and crack to have me sex it,
and step it up while she was predatory mind a step ahead of the game rewinds,
analyze that but never stabilized the traps too fine,
the gem amongst the hay and hey a diamond amongst the rough still finds,
catastrophe but since there’s nobody askin me,
as a blind man in front of the projects sittin on this stool that you put here for me,
this dock of the bay sittin eventually stretch my mind to its unlimitin,
EBT and sunglasses in the meanwhile I chase after the light of the brightest day of the sun wild as the thriller in the cat,
while mean on the trails best watch your back fail and you can provide them with a snack I’ll,
be law of the jungle or forest but the poorest to ever touch a rap yet kept it clean,
take a walk through the cemetery and this time you’ll find this it’s you that’s buryin me,
caused a smile that never found anything worthwhile,
episodes forever play out in the head trauma I’ll bet you never saw comma the way we dance the walkin dead dramas that cut a squirtin skull or heads among us Im’ma saturate the best of the bus that led these mantras,
doomed to repeat these played out scenarios,
kids chartered off to the Hall but Arsenio wasn’t with you at all there,dare me to think of my life on this earth they’re shoutin ‘stay save the moment for that chosen day’,
I never remain and that’s a promise and that’s a peaceful look now upon my face separate from the pained embrace,
my brain just couldn’t take it,
I tried to fake it but still I never made it as your shown discharge,
label me dishonorable over eventual cannibals who labeled me sarge,
I’ll lead you to still waters but with my own head at large it’s just no longer me,
and you’re demons climbin out of a split dead sea,
that much I can see on my way to Hell or a Heavenly beach or reincarnation or nothingness teach you while here cavin in,
nowhere to begin as I run from sittin in this here’s my only sin,
I pray it takes the breath from me,
there’s nothing left of me eventually you’ll step from me to clear this area,
it never ends until I see the collapse and death of me as well as all my friends,
your only friend,
The End.
I rarely drink. But I drank enough to feel what you really felt.
It’s high. Yeah. I think of Jess too.
Here I dropped a note to a stranger probably dead. May be you care to take a look.
suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=71222&page=9
A casualty?
Of course. I just wanted a life for myself, you know, ‘the life’, but any life really. From an abusive home myself so I was rejected, outcasted, bullied, and dropped out because of it. So I went on with my life in various ways, whichever way seemed best at the time. But all I ever truly wanted was normality, photographs of endless fun with friends and wife. I tried being a player but it didn’t work out for me, her brother grabbed me by the neck and nearly shoved me off a balcony. All I ever wanted was some peace, some normality, I see these Asians all around my city driving their brand new cars, all they ever wanted was normality, they sought it out and they found it. I was born and raised here, why couldn’t I have found it? I just wanted a life.
How did you end up here?
Not sure exactly, all I know is the devil was after me. With all of their mobbing, organized gangstalking, their street theatre left me so unclear, my heart became filled with fear.
So did you need beer?
Had enough to fill a basin, enough to fill your cup, here facin a severe demonic force my heart would be raven in between those moments where I was stuck sittin complacent, whole gig became a warzone thingamajig me as a mental patient, in cold halls that never saved shit swig hope our Father forgives me for all erasing it, and I would disappear before all embracing it.
That’s pretty severe I caught you dying here.
And I feel there’s still something that needs to be said, I mean their must be with all the stuff we bleed n’ bled from my head to my toes I’m so dead that really nobody knows.
Demons still comin after you?
Same. All I know is my heart was filled with pain, cement to cover that half of me’s true. I’m a lost soul, and you just the witness this the only way out of the siccness, preach to those I leave behind, teach but know those stuck n’ blind, there’s a limit and I am it cram it, all is not so well but listen and fade now with the sound of the bell, I’ll prefer anything over this a toast to those I’ll see in Hell. Yours truly, Klown, Despair, Deep Blue Tru, Ghost, Casual-D, that’s all of the names people used to call me, but my day is coming soon, fare ye well, me always.
I liked your poem Fire, even though you seemed to be presenting hope which of course I am opposed to right now, nevertheless I think the rhyming itself and the scene was very nice.