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Just Some Thoughts For You To Consider

by veronica

After briefly browsing through the posts on this blog, I immediately became panicked at the number of people who want to kill themselves.

And I’ve been there. I’ve been to that place where your chest feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, where you feel dark and cold and numb and totally alone. Where you feel like no one’s there to help you, no one wants to help you… I’ve been there. And I’ve come back, though still affected.

Depression happens, just for some (like us) it takes a stronger toll. It’s been almost 4 years since my depression first started due to bullying at school. However, I was one of the luckier ones. My bullying only lasted for one grade. I only had to endure 10 months of it, while I’m sure others have endured far worse. Maybe that’s why I was slowly able to come back from that dark place?

Anyways, my point is; I want each and every one of you who is reading this to know you are important to this world. The fact that you have thoughts, opinions, beliefs, emotions… it’s beautiful. You are alive. You can touch the world around you, you can see the beauty of it. Even though its hard to believe, there is some good left in this world. You deserve to be here. You deserve to have a chance to show the world just exactly what you can do.

If you think hard enough, I’m sure you can think of one thing you enjoy doing. Whether its writing, drawing, reading, or just sitting there thinking. And each one of these talents is good for something. You can make it in this world, despite social anxiety, depression, etc. And trust me, I know. I have both these things. And it’s hard – it always will be – but the rewards are beautiful.

Imagine never seeing you mother’s face ever again. Or never seeing the sun rise again, or never seeing your pet look at you with that adoring look of theirs that says they completley love you regardless of how you look. Imagine just leaving that all behind. Imagine your family at your funeral, the tears that would be shed.

Just know that you deserve to be here. You deserve to have a place on this earth as much as the next person. Whatever you do with your life is completley up to you, but if you die now, I’m telling you, from one depressee to the next, you will miss out on those little moments that make life worthwhile.

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jessins 4/28/2010 - 5:54 pm

I completely agree with everything that you said right now . Especially when you stated: “And I’ve been there. I’ve been to that place where your chest feels like it weighs a thousand pounds, where you feel dark and cold and numb and totally alone. Where you feel like no one’s there to help you, no one wants to help you… I’ve been there. And I’ve come back, though still affected.” . I too have come back from my one and off depression , yet I’m a still affected , and I still go through emotional meltdowns once in a while . It’s been so much shit that’s happened one accumulated on top of the other not just one specific experience that sometimes it’s so hard to keep on moving forward , as if you were dragging your life , but it’s not impossible , even if the scars remain the open wounds will someday close , everything in life comes to an end , and that’s what keeps me living everyday , until I’m old enough to move out on my own , which will be in 2 years when I finally turn 18 . Sometimes the pain of living in a place that’s done so much wrong to you is too much to fathom , but there’s always a way out , there’s always a door , and it’s not death . What that door is is distinct to every one person on this planet , but everyone has a purpose , a reason for being .

I personally love writing (i have hopes of being a journalist (: some day ) , and i feel as if i can express so much through writing as opposed to speaking , sometimes I’m not given the opportunity to talk thoroughly to some people because we’re on a different page and wave length , and I feel as writing , even if it’s to no one in particular , unwinds my stress and sets all my contemplations free from deep within my cognition . It’s like taking a deep breath of fresh air every single time , it’s so liberating . The fact that I can express my emotions and thoughts and beliefs and opinions … you’re right , it’s beautiful .

I can’t ever imagine not seeing my family again , even if it makes it hard for me to accept them most of the time . Almost as if we didn’t understand each other . But i’m grateful for the good days when I feel that I’m a part of them , that I’m part of my family (most of the times I just don’t feel as if I can relate to them , except for my dad) . It feels great , and even if I wanna be independent someday I can’t imagine not ever seeing them again . I wouldn’t put them through that pain either .

I think people should just have a more optimistic demeanor on life , being overly pessimistic is as unrealistic as being overly optimistic . nothing lasts forever , and life can be beautiful if we just learn how to live it , be it move somewhere else and start a new life , or change our careers or just something as simple as a change in attitude can help as well . We need to learn how to see things for the beautiful simple things they are , not the catastrophic , complicated things we make them out to be .

“Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world , I feel like I can’t take it , like my heart’s going to cave in.” ~ quote from American Beauty (: .

love nd pz,
Jess .

jt 4/28/2010 - 11:17 pm

It’s people like you that help me get through the day.
i really cried when i read this…

Anna 4/29/2010 - 5:32 am

‘Sometimes the sun spangles and we feel alive.
One thing we have to get, John, out of this life.’

S. Armitage, ‘November’.

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