May 10th, 2010 by RedWine93

My life is going downhill now. I had my grades and now they are slipping. I don´t feel like myself anymore.I am just a shell. I hurt everyone who care about me. And i don´t know anything anymore. A year back i made a desicon to kill myself on the day i get seventeen. My birthday is only three months away. And i am going crazy because i don´t want to die but i don´t have the strenght to fight anymore. And i don´t want to do it anyway. Yesterday was mothersday and i went crazy to my arm, i got it a little. Most scares i did have disappeared but there are a few that are really bad. I hurt my mom with it because she saw what i did, i yelled at her a lot. And i am sorry for doing it but she doesn´t understand that i don´t want to hurt her but if she cares about me i cant give up. When she hates me i woun´t hurt her that much when i kill myself.
I am trying to find help but nobody understands what i am feeling. They say that i have my life head of me, that i hold everybody together. I reality that is a lie,nobody even remembers when i am in school or not.
My life is spinning out of control and i can´t get on it anymore.

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