My life is going downhill now. I had my grades and now they are slipping. I don´t feel like myself anymore.I am just a shell. I hurt everyone who care about me. And i don´t know anything anymore. A year back i made a desicon to kill myself on the day i get seventeen. My birthday is only three months away. And i am going crazy because i don´t want to die but i don´t have the strenght to fight anymore. And i don´t want to do it anyway. Yesterday was mothersday and i went crazy to my arm, i got it a little. Most scares i did have disappeared but there are a few that are really bad. I hurt my mom with it because she saw what i did, i yelled at her a lot. And i am sorry for doing it but she doesn´t understand that i don´t want to hurt her but if she cares about me i cant give up. When she hates me i woun´t hurt her that much when i kill myself.
I am trying to find help but nobody understands what i am feeling. They say that i have my life head of me, that i hold everybody together. I reality that is a lie,nobody even remembers when i am in school or not.
My life is spinning out of control and i can´t get on it anymore.
4 comments
i too… have those kind of feelings… ive learned to be myself on the inside… but on the outside appear happy… you shouldnt kill yourself… your too young
You just baisocally described one of thereasons why I sometimes want to kill myself and why I hate myself. You lasted longer than I did. And I think you should keep going. My mom got extramly sick on mothers day. She still is. Last year we spent morhers day in the hospital. Also. A few seconds ago. I was yelled at for not caring about her at all. When really, she’s one of the only reasons I’m still here besides the fact that I’m still kinda afraid of death. If she truely thinks I don’t care, and has thought so for so long. Then that means I have one less reason to be here. Keep pushing on. Don’t give up.
@justice.suicide
I have tryed being happy on the outside but i can´t do it anymore. It is just killing me a little slower and making me more depressed. It makes me mad that people actually don´t see that i am not that kind of person, the happy kid. I have never been that.
You say that i am to young to die, but i have had so many times in situations that could have killed me but i have survived them. Because of those accidents i don´t feel like i am sixteen, I feel older, a lot older.
STOP!! you will kill your mothers. I have a seventeen year old and if he was to be gone. My heart would stop beating and I would die of a broking heart. A mothers love is untouchable, school can always be re done. You can’t be re done or can your mother.
I know a mother whose children died in a car wreck 16 and 15. The mother lies in the middle of the rode where her children died and begs people to run over her. The mother has also been developed cancer.
Please ask your mother for help or go to a school counselor.