It’s Become A Dream

I have looked through many of these suicide stories. Notes, left from people who were in their final approach to their decisions of suicide. I have read stories of people who have lost loved ones and can no longer go on. I have read about those who have come to the conclusion that suicide is the only way to exit the pain. I decided to share my story. I am now 18. It has been over a year and a half since I had reached my limit.

A few days before my 17th birthday, I had been thinking. You see at the time, I had done many things hoping that this one would work out. In truth, I had gone to find out how misled I truly was. I had quit school to grab my GED up, so that I could move to Pittsburgh with a very good friend who I was madly in love with. I was doing all I could for everything to go right. I was looking for jobs in Pitt already. I had been looking at apartments that were cheap enough that I would be able to pay half the rent and still have left for the usual utilities. I was lined up with a cafe. Plans were set and everyone in both families were informed. Yes, I know at 17 it is hard to come across the money and live out on your own. It was a big step that I was willing to take for the girl whom in turn I loved so passionately. I was putting forth all of my effort and all of my willpower to succeed with this. I had my permit and had decided to take my test in Pittsburgh for my Jr. Drivers License.

Then plans changed. I was hurt… but not yet done with my turmoil. I was pushed away by the girl. I was shown no consideration for everything I was giving up. I was turned on by her and her friends. I had been in the basement of my house that night, realizing all I had giving up in the name of love. Leaving Family, friends, a better education, the city I am from, and being crushed so powerfully, I sat down on a laundry basket. Now my actual home life was not problematic, the usual that really lies in most families. Belittlement, disrespect, bad blood in the family causing problems, parents split up, but it could have been worse. Still I had been crushed so strongly that I was ready to resort to chemicals in my basement. I.E. A bottle of bleach.

I was on my way to ingesting the Bleach. When the liquid touched my lips… I stopped, and I thought… What the hell am I doing? Dropping the bottle of Bleach after a minute due to the chemicals burning my lips. I dealt with my lips being so dried up and cracked they constantly bled for a month and a half. Even now my lips still dry to the point of cracking and bleeding again.

I now for the most part never think of that method of escaping this Earth that seems more like hell. I am mainly happy for the outcome of my life. My basis of this story is… Think… You have more to live for than you think about before you resort to suicide. You just don’t notice it until it’s usually too late. Have faith in yourself and look for the answers. Now I have to leave you here for now my friends… The storm is getting to bad around where I live to continue typing. Think about what you are doing before you do it. Don’t panic… Just have faith. Farewell.