I know this seems like I have let myself into another slump… but yeah… We all do anymore don’t we… Alright where to start. 10 months of an on and off relationship with the girl of my dreams. My everything my who heart my castle that I could rely on for the most part. I am now in need of you all… I am trying to figure out what I am going to do here. I have again fallen in love. Deeply. I can’t live without my girl. I can’t live with her. When she’s on … She isn’t really there. When she is there, it’s quite a few minutes till I hear from her mostly. Random sign offs… I have my own emotional problems going on and so does she but this has been a problem since month 2 of her and I being together. I am on my last leg. I see her smile and my heart breaks. I see when she says she loves me but don’t feel it… I can’t make it until she gets here, and the only thing that had been keeping us together for so long was phoning. Her problems are impossible for me to relate too… (two of her family members that she is very close to have passed on in the past 4 months.) She has no will to talk on the phone. She doesn’t talk to me about it, she doesn’t open up about it. She keeps to herself for the most part. The only thing she has managed to do was to keep me in love with her and to keep trying. I love her more than anything and she says the same for me. I am at the point of just giving up. I know this doesn’t entirely fit here in this site. I don’t really know how close I am… As a previous post I had put down about a suicide attempt. I don’t know how close I am because I am entirely numb right now. I can’t even feel the cigarettes burning my lips from my full blown non stop drags. I need advice… Moving on… Isn’t an option… but continuing with this mirage of happiness is even worse. I’ve talked to her about it and she has tried to convince me that it will be ok but the truth is that no matter how much she says it I just can’t believe it… It’s the same as before… Please… Help me out here guys. Much love to you all… Hope to hear from you.