I know this seems like I have let myself into another slump… but yeah… We all do anymore don’t we… Alright where to start. 10 months of an on and off relationship with the girl of my dreams. My everything my who heart my castle that I could rely on for the most part. I am now in need of you all… I am trying to figure out what I am going to do here. I have again fallen in love. Deeply. I can’t live without my girl. I can’t live with her. When she’s on … She isn’t really there. When she is there, it’s quite a few minutes till I hear from her mostly. Random sign offs… I have my own emotional problems going on and so does she but this has been a problem since month 2 of her and I being together. I am on my last leg. I see her smile and my heart breaks. I see when she says she loves me but don’t feel it… I can’t make it until she gets here, and the only thing that had been keeping us together for so long was phoning. Her problems are impossible for me to relate too… (two of her family members that she is very close to have passed on in the past 4 months.) She has no will to talk on the phone. She doesn’t talk to me about it, she doesn’t open up about it. She keeps to herself for the most part. The only thing she has managed to do was to keep me in love with her and to keep trying. I love her more than anything and she says the same for me. I am at the point of just giving up. I know this doesn’t entirely fit here in this site. I don’t really know how close I am… As a previous post I had put down about a suicide attempt. I don’t know how close I am because I am entirely numb right now. I can’t even feel the cigarettes burning my lips from my full blown non stop drags. I need advice… Moving on… Isn’t an option… but continuing with this mirage of happiness is even worse. I’ve talked to her about it and she has tried to convince me that it will be ok but the truth is that no matter how much she says it I just can’t believe it… It’s the same as before… Please… Help me out here guys. Much love to you all… Hope to hear from you.
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Codename Dreamer, you sound like my memory of a couple of ex-girlfriends I had over a decade ago. I, however was in love with the idea of being in love. Physical contact is wonderful, but if there is no emotional contact, bro, it’s simply not there. Surviving heartbreak is painful as hell, but it is doable. I remember wondering if ‘true love’ was a lie, or if I was even meant to love and be loved… It’s an incredible pain, but it’s worth it, man. The proof: you are in love, AGAIN. People are meant to enjoy each other’s company, so (I believe) the love you two have for each other is right on that level. It’s a big deal to know that love does come in stronger fashion. I felt like shit for years over breaking up with my first girlfriend, but that’s just how it goes until two people meet and realize they don’t just love each other… they’re IN LOVE with each other. When you’re celebrating years of your marriage, you’ll see. And I know you will experience that because you believe in love.
It’s not a mirage of happiness, CD… you’re just that much closer on finding your Dream Girl. (sorry if i rambled or ranted. you can email me at yahoo if you want, okay? I’m not being sympathetic, I think know exactly how awful you’ve been feeling.)