Too Tired.

Just when I thought I was coming back up, back up from that deep dark hole, I realize that, no, I’m not. Now I’m even further down, and you know what? I don’t think I want back up anymore. Why bother. I’ll just be pushed back down, eventually. It’s so much easier down here. No pain, no sadness, no disappointment.

I’m not an idiot. I know how to end it as painlessly as possible, I’m just surprised I haven’t done it yet. Well, dehydration is my main route at the moment. Pretty sure if I really put some effort in, I’d be done in a week. In my condition, might be less than that. I’m just too tired to care anymore, too tired. I just hope that I don’t end up in God’s arms something like that. That’d be just awkward. Rather have my own little corner… or fly for entirety. Maybe heaven will be my own imagination, I’ll be able to do anything. Well, then it’s all a lie, isn’t it? Truth be told, I’d rather rot in hell, then.

Then I think about my cats, the ones that went missing. Three, in less than four months. They were my friends, and their disappearances where what pushed me over the edge. Although I was already probably falling by then. I miss them so much. I remember that one night, a single dot of light flew between me and my laptop. I can only hope it was one of them, and that they’re happy. Maybe I’ll see them again…