I am tired. I want to sleep. Tomorrow I need to wake up at 6 in the morning. Im a terrible human being. A lot of people love me. There’s a woman who I think I’m in love with. But, limerence…
What an awful thing. The moment that someone becomes important to me, I already start preparing for losing them. Because I associate love with loss?
Before leaving for my studies, I spent half an hour crying. Before that I played sad tunes on my guitar until my arm hurt. Now, before going to bed, I watched porn. Who am I?
The worst thing is that she makes me happy. I like her. I really do like her. But because of her, I’m forced to be confronted with the worst parts of myself. This is an important battle… I can’t run away anymore.
I tried to run away. From everything. But I can’t run away anymore. It doesn’t matter where I am, or who I am with. I can’t escape myself. I’m the only person that I can never be free from. I’m the only person that I can’t run away from. How awful. Maybe I’m a coward for not wanting to face myself and reality.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t know what to do. Or think. Or feel. There are so many heavy emotions on me. I don’t know how I will make it through this week… and then I have to make it through the next one too? And the same thing until I am dead.
I have nothing more to say.