Distraction

I hate life so fucking much. I hate everything. I want to die so much, I want to hurt, I want the shit beaten out of me, I want to have reasons for wanting to kill myself but I have none, and I have like, two friends left after The Betrayal.
But i cant do it.
I cant kill myself, Im afraid, not of death itself, but leaving oppurtunities.
I want first love, first kiss, first time, I want to see my little cousins grow up with me there.
But I hate life.
I have a house, food, clothes, family, all that you basically need.
But im unhappy.
Im not physically abused, neither sexually.
I get slapped or hit sometimes and freak out, but then i think of the others who get the shit beaten out of them, get raped by their own parents.
Why do i pity myself just because im not a plastic barbie doll in a mansion with beautiful people all around me?
Im worthless, I have no talent, my grades are shit, hell i dont even go to school.
I want to be in a rock band, and sing or play guitar or something.
But…im not happy
My parents are dissapointed in me, hell my dad hates me, he favors my twin sister who im in between hating, and loving. I dont like her, but i love her. I hate her too.
What the fuck is wrong with me.